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Ankh
Posts: 23226
Location: Trelleborg
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 Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 09:00 Post subject: shitty times |
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So i used to have a great friend which i pretty much did stuff with daily. I had known him since i was 16 and both him and his ex girlfriend have always been my best friends.
Some years ago we got into a silly argue about a child who got shot - i tried to put him into the shoes of the mother of the killer (a 16 year old kid) who lied and tried to defend him despite her knowing he had done the deed.
My point was that parents sometimes do defensive things like that without caring about the truth but rather trying to get their children out of trouble.
He refused to listen. So i told him "imagine you had a kid.." - before i could finish the sentence he replied "but i dont want any kids"...and so we kept on back and forward until i said something like "Are you fucking stupid, I dont mean you should get a kid, but try and put yourself in a parents shoe for the sake of discussion".
Anyway, we ended up being quite angry at each other and infact it went so far that I we parted for several years and never had contact again. Silly discussion and silly result.
Anyway, i got a phonecall yesterday from a friend who had been told by my mates girlfriend (who i never knew) to get in contact with us.
Apparently his body had just turned off and he stopped breathing. He died on the way to hospital. According to the doctors he would not have had any chance even if he had been at the actual hospital when it had happened.
My first thought was "well, its sad but i really dont know him anymore".
But another friend said "his gf has written about it on her facebook" - being the nosey bastard i am I had to check it out.
I noticed that there was a couple of hundreds of "rest in peace" and things like that as comment on her post - but nobody actually asked how he died.
So i did.
it took some minutes and his gf wrote to me and after a couple of words back and forward she told me that she knew who I was once i told her about us splitting after an argue.
Apparently his heart and lunges had failed pretty much at the same time for no explainable reason. He is the same age as me (49).
We continued to talk and she told me that he often spoke about me and all the things we used to do and that he spoke highly about me. (I was reading this loud to my gf who sat in the sofa a couple of meters away from me).
Up til now i had not really thought much about this, but my voice started to fail when i was reading it and in the end it all got over me. I really cant understand that he is gone  and it hurts me so bad that we gave up on our friendship for such a stupid reason. Anyway, its not often i cry but i did. Hell, i did not even cry when my dad took his own life 4 years ago.
His ex (and my gf) had seem me ask about his death and wanted me to tell her what his gf had replied. I told her that I thought she was to be the first one to ask her.. so if she want to know she had to ask herself rather than get it second hand for me. This i did cos i thought it was odd that she did not ask herself (the had been a couple for 15 years before they split)..and also, his gf told me that she wanted our talk to be private.
So..i just wanted to get that out of my system. Sorry bout that and if what i wrote is hard to understand its cos well..im not sure if im thinking clear atm.
Edit: I forgot to say, this made me think about friendship and how short life can be. To quote a guy i used to work with "never go to bed angry on each other, you never know if you will see each other again." Makes so much sense now. Life is too short to get stuck at stupid things.
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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vurt
Posts: 13455
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 09:21 Post subject: |
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That's rough, sorry to hear.
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couleur
[Moderator] Janitor
Posts: 14081
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 10:09 Post subject: |
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My condolences man
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Ankh
Posts: 23226
Location: Trelleborg
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tonizito
Posts: 51050
Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 12:18 Post subject: |
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Condolences for your friend, dood
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 12:50 Post subject: |
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I'm in a position where I have never experienced the death of a close person but... frighteningly enough, I fear that this will change abrutly and then happen much more frequently than I can stomach
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 14:03 Post subject: |
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Cheer up a bit, even if you guys cut it off he still thought of you and probably you too since you are feeling the pain of his death.
Life is hard and yea thats a nice way to put it, i usually wait until next day to fix things up (let the head go down) but a lot of people suddenly die while sleeping, would be nice to avoid sleeping sad at least.
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 15:12 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear that, Ankh. Sometimes events like this serve as a reminder to us all to not hold a grudge or resentment towards a person who matters a lot
I was wondering, was there any resentment between you two about his ex gf being your current gf? Like you said, it was strange to see her not asking about it even though your friend and gf were together for 15 years.
1 and 2 are still amazing.
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 15:21 Post subject: |
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My condolences Ankh. Never going to bed angry will be unachievable, so no point even trying. But still, it's important to forget about pride (depending on the situation) after an argument after feelings have settled and reach out to your dear friends. I always make a point of contacting after a set amount of time after an argument and usually we're back on track pretty quickly. Value your friendships and never let any fight about trivial things ruin it.
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Danyutz
Posts: 4397
Location: Redplanet
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 16:54 Post subject: |
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To die like that. out of nowhere, with no other symptoms or an explanation is terrible ( for the loved ones you leave behind ). I am sorry for your loss, condoleances.
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Ankh
Posts: 23226
Location: Trelleborg
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jackbomb
Posts: 2483
Location: Tortilla de patatas
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 21:16 Post subject: |
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Sorry for your loss Ankh.
B650 Tomahawk / 7950x CU -20 5.5GHz / PS120SE / 2x16GB DDR5 6000 CL30 / 3080 OC
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DXWarlock
VIP Member
Posts: 11422
Location: Florida, USA
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| Posted: Mon, 12th Apr 2021 22:41 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear that man. I feel your pain I lost a friend in about the same situation of some dumb petty situation we stopped talking much anymore, but the timeframe between wasn't as long as yours.
Life never feels short until people your age start to pass away and you notice the frequency only goes up as you age. Then your realize what you thought felt like forever in your 20's and maybe 30's is painfully short once you have a reference to judge just how short even a long life really is.
No matter how mad you are at your sig other, always say I love you as they leave for the day. Even if it's just the automatic subconscious response type of "Love ya" after years of being together, as it might be the last time they hear you say it.
As my friend said that lost his wife to a car crash (they fought..a LOT): "I could not say I love her 1000 times while mad and it not matter, but I can never go say the one out of that 1000 I wish I would have."
-We don't control what happens to us in life, but we control how we respond to what happens in life.
-Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. -G. Michael Hopf
Disclaimer: Post made by me are of my own creation. A delusional mind relayed in text form.
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Ankh
Posts: 23226
Location: Trelleborg
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| Posted: Tue, 13th Apr 2021 07:36 Post subject: |
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Cheers for all the kind words!
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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| Posted: Tue, 13th Apr 2021 14:52 Post subject: |
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There's confort in knowing that despite this silly argument, he remained fond of you - and so did you.
Life sometimes makes us do stupid mistakes. What matters is what remains of them.
As sad as his death is, it's good that it made you reflect so. Good on his girlfriend for reaching out to you..
R5 5600X - 3070FE - 16GB DDR4 3600 - Asus B550 TUF Gaming Plus - BeQuiet Straight Power 11 750W - Pure Base 500DX
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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vurt
Posts: 13455
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Thu, 15th Apr 2021 17:40 Post subject: |
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had a friend over yesterday, he said one of his old friends (who he hasn't had any contact with for some years) was found dead in his apartment a few days ago. He had been lying there for several days. They don't know how he died (yet). he was 50.
made me think of this thread..
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Frant
King's Bounty
Posts: 24433
Location: Your Mom
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DXWarlock
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Posts: 11422
Location: Florida, USA
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Ankh
Posts: 23226
Location: Trelleborg
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| Posted: Fri, 16th Apr 2021 15:52 Post subject: |
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Thanks for all kind words.
Yeah, getting old sucks...but whats even worse is that my dad commited suicide and so did two of my friends.
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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