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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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 Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 08:19 Post subject: Another chick problem.... |
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Ah fuck, always drama 
Here's my dilema. I've known this girl for oh,10 years now and were friends/close friends on occasion. When we first met, we fucked around a few times but we never really dated or anything of the sort. Anyway, I always got the impression that she had a thing for me, but then she would do or say something that would make me think differently. Anyway, I married my exwife and me and the other chick were friends throughout my marriage. Shortly before my wife and i broke up, I stopped talking to her cuz she moved and I didnt have her new number and she never called me.
Anyway, since my wife and I broke up in April, she's come back into my life. At first, she acted normally, like a buddy/friend. She's realy cool in the sense she likes hockey and she's not shy and u dont have to be "proper" around her ya know? Like, with most girls, u try not to swear as much, be kind, empathetic etc but with her, its completely different.
My problem is, I think she's trying to get with me, but im not sure. Like, for instance, its what? 2am here and outta blue she calls me cuz she was thinking about me and misses me (we havent chilled in like 2 weeks). So were talking and all this stuff and she's tellin me how much she likes the person i am, that my exwife is a slut for doing what she did etc. But then, she'll say shit that makes think she's talking to me more like a friend than someone she's interested.
And when were together, she acts like were dating. Say if were chillin at my house, watching some moives or something, she'll sit in my arms or hug me or something while we watch whatever it is were watching. Or when were out at club, she's in a way all over me, enough that the rest of the women think she's my gf (have had a few ask me that).
But see, this girl isnt the type of girl who plays games. If she likes a guy, she'll let him know - ive seen her through like 6 bad break ups and shit so I know exactly how she is.
Now, my question is, do u guys think I should try hooking up with her or not? What im afraid of is, I hit on her or whatever and I totally misread her actions, and she's not interested and it fucks up our friendship. Or, we hook up, break up and I lose a close friend.
I really dont know what i do. Cuz, to be honest, Ive had a crush (I know, its so gay to say crush at me age  ) on her for the longest time - Im almost 100% sure were right for each other. We like the same things, she's really smart and really hot (5'2, long brown hair, like 105-110lbs, deep, dark brown eyes and a killler, A KILLER ass). And she thinks the samething about me, shes told me so.
And, we can chill for hours and not say a word to each other...that may sound dumb, but even with my exwife...Ive never been comfortable just chillin with someone the way I am with her. And I know that applies for her and other things she's said like how I make her feel, my humour etc
So, what do guys think?
Im thinking she doesnt want to come out and say she's liked me for however long, simply because we are close friends and I guess its different than talking to someone who knows u like them in a romantic sense - ie u pick up a chick at the club, obviously, u dont want to be her friend ya know?
But this shit is killing me, because if she's into me, well fuck, I wanna give a relationship a try with her..(about the only girl I would want to date right now).
Man...im so fuckin confused 
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 10:02 Post subject: |
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Well, if you didn't know this girl for so long, I'd say go for it...
But in my experience, sex fucks everything up between friends. You can be 100% cool with someone, chill with them daily etc. and like the person on many levels... then you have sex with them and a week later the bullshit comes pouring in: "you don't understand me" "I don't feel the connection" "we're not right for each other" etc.
I mean, in the end if you think it's gonna work out I can't stop you, but I don't think the sex you might get out of it is worth losing a close friend. And tbh, other than sex it appears the 2 of you already have everything that should be in a great relationship. IMO, it's best kept that way.
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 11:22 Post subject: |
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| Accelleron wrote: | Well, if you didn't know this girl for so long, I'd say go for it...
But in my experience, sex fucks everything up between friends. You can be 100% cool with someone, chill with them daily etc. and like the person on many levels... then you have sex with them and a week later the bullshit comes pouring in: "you don't understand me" "I don't feel the connection" "we're not right for each other" etc.
I mean, in the end if you think it's gonna work out I can't stop you, but I don't think the sex you might get out of it is worth losing a close friend. And tbh, other than sex it appears the 2 of you already have everything that should be in a great relationship. IMO, it's best kept that way. |
Totally agree. It all depends on how much you value the friendship. Once you mix sex into it then there's generally no going back to just being friends. I think you should look at it for the long-term/short-term benefits and then judge whether its worth the risk. It could be that she's ambivilent about it as well, which would explain why she's giving you mixed signals for fear of ruining the friendship. Ultimately it probably won't matter because if the two of you really dig each other then you're likely going to stumble into it during a moment of weakness.
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 12:34 Post subject: |
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And I say, go for it!
Reading your text gives one (me) the impression that
1. the girl means more to you than just beeing a friend and
2. it sounds like as if beeing together with her is just how you imagine it should be - beeing yourself and not playing a role and such... and
3. you fucked her before and you are still friends...
so... go for it...
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 14:32 Post subject: |
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Having read your post it is pretty clear from her motions and actions that she is interested in a more than friends relationship.
I'd say go for it...just take things slow and steady. I mean if you do not show the same interest in her or let her know you feel the same way she may eventually move on to someone who does show interest and you'll be left always wondering "what if" or "could we have been the perfect couple" and it will always eat at you.
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pancake
Posts: 1091
Location: England
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 14:34 Post subject: |
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she probably feels like you do , that u may possibly like her and she dosent want to try anything on incase you dont feel the same way and it makes your friendship awkward , shes giving all the right signals dude just go for it and stop your wondering
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ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 14:36 Post subject: |
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first do this .. http://www.igbio.com/index.php [Enter your own values].. I know gay .. but do it anyway
a friend will stick by you even if they don’t feel like it .. so any worries are illusion .. if she turns on you .. never your friend in the first place .. so best shot of her ..
relax be strait with her .. don’t expect any commitments .. or guaranties .. live it up
"Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in & out of favor." ~ Frost
Last edited by ChinUp on Sat, 29th Oct 2005 15:59; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 15:46 Post subject: |
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PICS PICS!!!oneoen!!!!!!eleven!!!111!!
I think you should go for her..
Sounds like it would be the perfect relationship..
I hate you.
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_SiN_
Megatron
Posts: 12108
Location: Cybertron
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 15:53 Post subject: |
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I also say go for it.
She probably feel like you do, and are afraid to take chances. I think if you both do feel the same, you´re in for a very nice relationship..
Watercooled 5950X | AORUS Master X570 | Asus RTX 3090 TUF Gaming OC | 64Gb RAM | 1Tb 970 Evo Plus + 2Tb 660p | etc etc
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 17:17 Post subject: |
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/me stopped reading at the first instance of YA KNOW. ffs dude please it's unbeareable
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 18:11 Post subject: |
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 Thanks for the replies guys...and thats what ive been thinking too...well, next time she comes to Tdot, I guess I'll make a move or something of the sort - cuz i thought i was reading her wrong, but it seems Im not 
I'll let ya guys know what happens still....
Oh and for Sublime....YA KNOW?!!!  |
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drakgon
Posts: 1167
Location: England
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 18:30 Post subject: |
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| Accelleron wrote: | Well, if you didn't know this girl for so long, I'd say go for it...
But in my experience, sex fucks everything up between friends. You can be 100% cool with someone, chill with them daily etc. and like the person on many levels... then you have sex with them and a week later the bullshit comes pouring in: "you don't understand me" "I don't feel the connection" "we're not right for each other" etc.
I mean, in the end if you think it's gonna work out I can't stop you, but I don't think the sex you might get out of it is worth losing a close friend. And tbh, other than sex it appears the 2 of you already have everything that should be in a great relationship. IMO, it's best kept that way. |
Totally agree. It all depends on how much you value the friendship. Once you mix sex into it then there's generally no going back to just being friends. I think you should look at it for the long-term/short-term benefits and then judge whether its worth the risk. It could be that she's ambivilent about it as well, which would explain why she's giving you mixed signals for fear of ruining the friendship. Ultimately it probably won't matter because if the two of you really dig each other then you're likely going to stumble into it during a moment of weakness.
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 18:33 Post subject: |
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| Siddhartha wrote: | | Accelleron wrote: | Well, if you didn't know this girl for so long, I'd say go for it...
But in my experience, sex fucks everything up between friends. You can be 100% cool with someone, chill with them daily etc. and like the person on many levels... then you have sex with them and a week later the bullshit comes pouring in: "you don't understand me" "I don't feel the connection" "we're not right for each other" etc.
I mean, in the end if you think it's gonna work out I can't stop you, but I don't think the sex you might get out of it is worth losing a close friend. And tbh, other than sex it appears the 2 of you already have everything that should be in a great relationship. IMO, it's best kept that way. |
Totally agree. It all depends on how much you value the friendship. Once you mix sex into it then there's generally no going back to just being friends. I think you should look at it for the long-term/short-term benefits and then judge whether its worth the risk. It could be that she's ambivilent about it as well, which would explain why she's giving you mixed signals for fear of ruining the friendship. Ultimately it probably won't matter because if the two of you really dig each other then you're likely going to stumble into it during a moment of weakness. |
We've had sex a few times when we first met, like a casual thing.
And naw, theres been plently of times where Im sure I coulda banged her for whatever reason, and I havent. I dont want one nite of lust to ruin 10 years of friendship ya know? A relationship however, is another thing completely. |
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fisk
Posts: 9145
Location: Von Oben
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 18:50 Post subject: |
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First of all, the reason she's like that (all over you etc.) I think is to allow you to have the initiative. She probably realizes that you're either interested in having the relationship with your ex or not. In neither case though she can be sure if you're interested in her.
I'd talk this through with the girl - ask her what she thinks. Since you're such good friends, I think it should be nothing in the way of stopping you having a serious discussion about it.
She might be one of those girls who really don't want to define relationships at all, but likes to let things "be natural". I think this is a sound position. If I were you, I'd listen to what my emotions told me, and not be afraid to go the distance if it felt like it. If you end up there, just realize it was a mutual action.
The more natural things are between you, the better.
---
My buddy here says you should do something you usually don't do the next time you're with her, ask her something rather intimate and she how she reacts. He says he does things like that to see where they're willing to go. If they get all defensive and want to avoid the question, just say "chill", and slide out of it, otherwise it's and indicator of more-than-friends interest.
Yes, yes I'm back.
Somewhat.
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ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:04 Post subject: |
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hell just take her hand .. if she flinches .. you got your answer .. that & eye contact are unquestionable signs .. if you can be honest with yourself about her responses that is ..
"Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in & out of favor." ~ Frost
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:07 Post subject: |
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| fisk wrote: | First of all, the reason she's like that (all over you etc.) I think is to allow you to have the initiative. She probably realizes that you're either interested in having the relationship with your ex or not. In neither case though she can be sure if you're interested in her.
I'd talk this through with the girl - ask her what she thinks. Since you're such good friends, I think it should be nothing in the way of stopping you having a serious discussion about it.
She might be one of those girls who really don't want to define relationships at all, but likes to let things "be natural". I think this is a sound position. If I were you, I'd listen to what my emotions told me, and not be afraid to go the distance if it felt like it. If you end up there, just realize it was a mutual action.
The more natural things are between you, the better.
---
My buddy here says you should do something you usually don't do the next time you're with her, ask her something rather intimate and she how she reacts. He says he does things like that to see where they're willing to go. If they get all defensive and want to avoid the question, just say "chill", and slide out of it, otherwise it's and indicator of more-than-friends interest. |
Thats what ive done...By initimate im assuming something relating to sex, what kinda guy's she likes etc etc? We always discuss things of the sort. I know what kinda guy she likes, but I also know what kinda guy she wants - there's a difference in her case, I dont know how to expain it
She'll talk to me about anything, for instance, I know her fav position is standin up, bent over a chair or something.
And I do other things to see, and like i said, im almost sure she's into me but then she gives me some wacked out signal, and it fucks me up.
Here's a perfect example.
2 or 3 weeks ago, were chillin out at my house, "cuddlng" watching a movie. Her friend phones her and asks if she wants to come out and all that. She says no, she's chillin with me and didnt really wanna hit the club that nite. Then her friend makes a joke like "no sex in the champaigne room" or something like that. She laughs and says naw, we wont be fucking...which completely through me off cuz 10 mins later, I was gunna go for it so to speak. I mean, Im sittin there in my shorts, half naked, she's like lying on me rubbing my body softly and shit, things that would imply sexual interest, to me anyway. But then a comment like that comes out.
I talked to a friend of mine...who did date her many years ago, and he said yeah, thats her style if she likes u - and from what ive seen throughout the years, he's right. But then a comment like that comes outta her mouth and he even didnt know what I should do. Like, i feel like she's my girl...but without the sex...and all the other good, emotional stuff that comes with a relationship.
Half of me takes her seriously and the other half of me, just thinks she said that to her friend for some other reason, jokin perhaps? I dunno
And when u say have a discussion with her...I dont think she's that kinda girl and to be honest, im not comfortable discussing things like that. I like shit to happen naturally ie ur sitting around and her or I kiss one another and shit starts like that.
Discussing it in depth, has like a business feel for me...Ive done it with other chicks and it hasnt gone well and on one occasion, it actually fucked me over.
And to top it off, she just called me and said she's gunna drop by later...but with her friend cuz she's coming to pick her friend up for a ladies nite out type of thing.
I dont think it would be smart to bring up all this shit infront of her friend....? Ive known her friend for about 7 years, whenever she moved in around the area, and she's always liked me, but she's a flake and I dont date flakes, I like smart girls, girls with something to say and who are opinionated - not just hot.
I wont see her agan for 2 weeks....FUCK!!! 
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spankie
VIP Member
Posts: 2958
Location: Belgium
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:15 Post subject: |
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i just want to say something about the comment she made about not having sex.
As far as i understand all teh things you said about her, i conclude she is afraid, the same way as you are afraid.
Just imagine if a friend called you and said "no sex", what would you have said?
but maybe inside she wanted it to happen as well, but was afraid to scare you off.
Anyway, just my view on it, good luck !
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:17 Post subject: |
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Hmmm...fuck, thats a very good point too....*slaps himself*
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ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:24 Post subject: |
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| Nailbiter wrote: | oups, i disgussed the problem you have with my wife. she said like this:
she is using you to boost her own self confidence. she has had many chances to say she likes you. why call at 2am, when she could have called at 9 pm before going out? you were the last option because she didnt hook up. she knew she could lean on your shoulder.
ok that was from a female perspective. |
fuck...thats the impression i get sometimes too....goddamnit, to many conflicting view points...i swear. But she wasnt calling for a booty call or something. Would have been nice in a way, but still.
And I dont think she went out yesterday. Just chillin at her house...and to be honest, she could get any guy she wants at the club. Seriously, I dont know one guy who wouldnt sleep with her. |
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:27 Post subject: |
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well if what my wife said is true, you dont really have anything to loose by going for her, cause she was barely your friend in the first place (by taking advantage of you).
Last edited by Nailbiter on Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:27; edited 1 time in total
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ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:27 Post subject: |
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good point nails .. defiantly put it to her .. no more worrying & fretting .. be upfront . scare away the mystery now .. before you get hurt ..
bottom line you don’t need a woman .. but they is nice
"Most of the change we think we see in life is due to truths being in & out of favor." ~ Frost
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 19:35 Post subject: |
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| ChinUp wrote: | good point nails .. defiantly put it to her .. no more worrying & fretting .. be upfront . scare away the mystery now .. before you get hurt ..
bottom line you don’t need a woman .. but they is nice |
I know what u mean but look at it this way. Your married right? one day all the shit ur wife has said to you, ur vows, becomes a lie, about the love and feelings she has, and completely fucks up ur life. Then u decide not to get involved with anyone, play the field...but then a girl like the one in question comes back into ur life and she's the only chick u'd consider gettin involved with as u already know everything there is to know about her and u guys are best friends in a way. I mean, thats what being married is...your wife is your lover yes, but she should also be ur best friend, the person who cares the most about you....to me anyway, thats how I look at marriage.
U cant live with em and u cant live without em
I swear, Scientist's need to come up with an alternative...thing? to chicks 
And I mean, she's a closer friend than most of my guy friend's as I can talk to her about stuff that i would discuss with any of my bwoys, and stuff that I cant discuss with them. Like emotions and shit, "girly" things and such. U know what i mean right?
And not to mention, it sure is sexy when she yells at the refs during a hockey game I mean, ive met chicks who were into hockey like i am, but they werent all that good looking...a really hot chick thats into sports...*drools*
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ChinUp
Posts: 5503
Location: 51.7° N ' 1.1° W
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Sat, 29th Oct 2005 20:10 Post subject: |
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| ChinUp wrote: | you wiped fool .. my wife teaches me every damb day .. that if i need a woman I'm fucked .. only when I can take or leave women’s & they mess .. am i the counterpart she needs ..
you have been living just fine without a woman to take care of you .. dont be such a child cousin .. tell her strait hay hun i dig your company & would love to deepen the impression it makes on my life ..
& if she isn’t into it .. that has to cool with you .. she had her chance .. . so she is just a mate great, you don’t have any illusions & she knows your ready to consider her if she changes her mind ..
but do not be hanging on her & needing her .. you don’t need that, nor does she.
You want to know what’s up with it & all .. simple, checking on her because she is imposing on your sleep  .. you wanna wake me up hun .. how about putting me to sleep  |
I know man...but it sure is nice having a woman love u. I mean, I was a typical, male pig before I got married...fuck women, dont need em except for sex etc etc right.
But there's nothing like knowing someone loves u unconditionally and going to bed every nite with someone u love. Its easy to say, when u have that, that u dont need it...but man, imagine one nite, u go to bed with ur wife, she tells ya she loves u, is gunna be with u the rest of your lives etc etc...and then the next day u get a phone call when ur chilling with your buds that she up a moved out and its over. No reason, no nothing. Just that the last years of ur life have basically been a lie....u seriously cant imagine how that fucks with ur head and emotions...i mean, u can try to imagine it, but its not the same as going through it. To be honest, I dont think I could handle shit like that again...
And ur lucky, u have a smart wife....my wife, was a lying ass cunt whore slut fat bitch fuck. Kinda soured me a lil on women and relationships...but still, Im almost 30 man...my days of banging a new chick every weekend are almost over and Im at the point where I want kids, a wife, a white picket fence type thing, so to speak. Not to mention, Im changing other area's of my life - such as drugs and smoking and shit...gettin too old I think to be partying like i was 20 and shit.
But....im never gettin rid of my dreads
Well, maybe, but then i'll have it braided so its kinda the same thing
Thats not in reference to my current situation, just in general and such. I dont have hopes and dreams like that anymore. I take what i get, ya feel me? Having hopes and dreams only leads to disappointment and sadness...least in my life.
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