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Jenni
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Location: England.
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 Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 00:19 Post subject: Theorectical question to people without kids |
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If it came to the crunch and you're getting on, would you put your mother in an old peoples home so you could have the chance to have kids?
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Godlikez*
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Jenni
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Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 00:35 Post subject: |
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But don't you think your parents would want you to get on in life?
Which includes starting a family of your own.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 00:40 Post subject: |
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Living with your parents after getting married is hell.
The parents should have their own place to live, where they can retire and live peacefuly...
If they can't take care pf themselves anymore, then suggest a maid.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 00:41 Post subject: |
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I don't get it...
Why would you have to put your mother in an elderly home to have kids?
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Jenni
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Posts: 9526
Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 00:43 Post subject: |
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Well looking after an ageing parent/parents as well as a young child I would imagine is sheer hell. Especially to a new mother.
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Invasor
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 02:12 Post subject: |
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Thats a good question. How to deal with old parents. I dont think I could put my mother in an old peoples home, but I cant take care of her for the rest of my life (or hers). And not everyone can afford a nurse/maid, when the time comes I dont know what I'll do.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 02:32 Post subject: |
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I think parents want to be on their own for as long as possible. So times it can benefit a family to have the grandma around. Mine lived next door to me and was a huge benefit to me while I was growing up. She was fine, agile until she got cancer and she went quickly after that.
I wouldn’t take them in tho out of principal, I was cut from the will so as far as I am concerned the person who in line to benefit can do it. Or they can hire someone.
One of my really good friends has a mom who is really sick and he dad has already passed. Her mom won’t go to a home and my friend has too drive over there 2 times a day because her mom goes into diabetic shock, confined to a wheel chair. It is soo hard on her marriage and her brother won’t help. After the last time her mom almost died, her organs start failing then she recovers just enough to be sent home, my friend said that was it. Whatever happens happens. She can’t do it anymore if her mom wants everything 100% her way. Won’t move to a easier house with less work and one that is closer. She is 1 hr drive away from her daughter. my friend and her husband have to do all the yard work, fix everything, and do all the shopping.
Also a lot of these homes are ok. It is like they live in a apartment building for the elderly. They are modified a bit. Emergancy pull cords in the bathroom and hand rails by the bathtub. They might have a movie night. Good luck in finding anything for medically frail in a actual hospital setting. Gordan Campbell decided decided they didn't fit into his budget.
edit:
I work for them, so I guess I am helping them. Dad isn't that well, mom is losing her sight. We don't know how bad it is going to get.
@Jenni
Why the question. Do you gotta take some parents in?
Last edited by pistolshrimp on Thu, 8th Feb 2007 04:51; edited 3 times in total
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 02:40 Post subject: |
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in holland it's like a tradition, hell most of the old ppl volunteer for that so they won't feel like stone in the shoe, even if they live alone or couple they still need some basic help like shopping etc, so working for 2 families at ones is a bit too much unless u have unlimited energy supply strapped to your ass
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 02:44 Post subject: |
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| Invasor wrote: | | . And not everyone can afford a nurse/maid, when the time comes I dont know what I'll do. |
Euthanasia?
"Techniclly speaking, Beta-Manboi didnt inject Burberry_Massi with Benz, he injected him with liquid that had air bubbles in it, which caused benz." - House M.D
"Faith without logic is the same as knowledge without understanding; meaningless"
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 02:47 Post subject: |
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| AnimalMother wrote: | | Invasor wrote: | | . And not everyone can afford a nurse/maid, when the time comes I dont know what I'll do. |
Euthanasia? |
We could be like the Inuit and send them off on a ice float?
I am pro euthanasia if that is what someone wants to do.
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$en$i
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 02:50 Post subject: |
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| Jenni wrote: | | Well looking after an ageing parent/parents as well as a young child I would imagine is sheer hell. Especially to a new mother. |
I guess it depends of the parents health & autonomy, the vital space in the home, etc. Grandparents can guard the children when you work, take care of part of the tasks of the house, etc. Of course it would be difficult for both parts to have this as a lasting situation in most cases.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 03:04 Post subject: |
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are old peoples homes really that bad?
there was one where i used to live which was pretty much just like a building seperated into flatts with all the usual nursing home staff and i doubt it was private as it was in a rough area
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Jenni
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Posts: 9526
Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 14:00 Post subject: |
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Shrimpy. I despise my mother. I mean if she was living in the gutter I would be happy.
But that will never happen. She's always been into property so she's worth a hell of a lot.
But my kids never get anything for their birthday or christmas. It all goes onto my sisters kids and I'm sure her will is made out to them and her.
Not that I need the bitches money mind you. I have a good job and my husband has an even better paid job. So when they finally bury that bitch I'm going to celebrate her shuffling off her mortal coil.
No this question is aimed at someone I know. Who is over 30 and is looking after her mother. Doesn't want kids as she has an old one to look after. Personally I think she's putting her mother over her long term partner, which is clearly wrong. Well at least in my opinion.
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deelix
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 15:54 Post subject: |
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First of all, when that happens I think you are a little to old to have kids. And yes i would do that. I think they would understand. Of course I would visit them when they wanted too (and I had time)
Grandma was 49 when I was born, so guess i can have kids before she ends up in a elderly place (if she ever have to)
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:31 Post subject: |
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| Jenni wrote: | Shrimpy. I despise my mother. I mean if she was living in the gutter I would be happy.
But that will never happen. She's always been into property so she's worth a hell of a lot.
But my kids never get anything for their birthday or christmas. It all goes onto my sisters kids and I'm sure her will is made out to them and her.
Not that I need the bitches money mind you. I have a good job and my husband has an even better paid job. So when they finally bury that bitch I'm going to celebrate her shuffling off her mortal coil.
No this question is aimed at someone I know. Who is over 30 and is looking after her mother. Doesn't want kids as she has an old one to look after. Personally I think she's putting her mother over her long term partner, which is clearly wrong. Well at least in my opinion. |
law in england wont be that different from here in belgium about wills.
Your mother cant say that you dont get anything. because you are the daughter (next of kin) legally you can demand a certain percent of the heritage depending on certain factors i dont know but still better then nothing. only if you want offcourse and she has to be dead first offcourse 
my parents will never go to a nursery home cause they would choose to stay at home and pay help to come around if its needed
i wouldnt go to a nursery home either (i figure that i wont grow old enough for that ) sitting in a appartment with other old folks that constantly complain \o/ .
Last edited by JeanPerrier on Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:36; edited 1 time in total |
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Jenni
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Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:34 Post subject: |
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Heh. Well you can contest the will here too.
I've thought of doing it just so my sister and her kids get nothing because generally the costs are taken out of the inheritence.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:37 Post subject: |
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| Jenni wrote: | Heh. Well you can contest the will here too.
I've thought of doing it just so my sister and her kids get nothing because generally the costs are taken out of the inheritence. |
dont think that you will be able to do that. your family reminds me of mine  |
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Jenni
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Posts: 9526
Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:44 Post subject: |
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I doubt that. I have the worst family in England.
Yeah I can contest the will. But I hate going to court and paying the thieves of the law IE solicitors.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:48 Post subject: |
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| Jenni wrote: | I doubt that. I have the worst family in England.
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to a certain degree then  |
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Jenni
Banned
Posts: 9526
Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 16:55 Post subject: |
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No. lol seriously most of my family are utter shitbags.
If I knew I would get away with it I would kill my mother, her husband, my sister and her husband.
Seriously I hate them. I get on with my brother and my sister.
I mean my mother showers my sisters kids with birthday presents and christmas presents. She gets them gifts for passing their exams. My brother and my sisters and my kids get fuck all.
Like I said I'll celebrate the day when she pops her clogs. I won't be going to her funeral but my husband will be. Just to stop my sisters husband going. I am going to be such a bitch that my stepfather won't be going either. If he turns up he'll get a kicking.
Rant over!
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nouseforaname
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Macknu
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Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 17:52 Post subject: |
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Old peoples home are better then here, if she need care then better there, if she dont its alot better place to live on (and luxurius). Buy maybe different here from other countrys?
Old people always get help if needed with all from cleaning to showering and foodshopping, if you need more help you either move to old mans appartments or a home.
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deelix
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Location: Norway
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 19:06 Post subject: |
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nouseforaname
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 19:11 Post subject: |
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Nursing home abuse is pretty rampant in the USA
| Quote: | The tragic truth is that the nursing home industry, for the most part, behaves as just that: an industry that houses our elderly loved ones at the lowest cost possible. This means:
• Minimal qualifications
• Inadequate staffing
• Insufficient training
• Low wages and high turnover
The ultimate result is serious and even life-threatening problems for nursing home residents: weight loss, failure to treat pressure sores or manage pain effectively, hospitalization, malnutrition, dehydration and even starvation. For this, the “customers” – patients and their families – pay dearly.
It would be tragic enough if it affected only a few nursing homes in a few localities, but the problem is nationwide and involves millions of patients in thousands of nursing homes.
A dramatic report prepared by the House Committee on Government Reform for Rep. Henry A. Waxman (D-CA) found that between January 1999 and January 2001 more than thirty percent of the nursing homes in the United States--5,283 nursing homes--were cited for an abuse violation that had the potential to cause harm. That is almost one out of every three nursing homes, and many of these abuse violations were discovered only after the filing of a formal complaint. |
http://www.safetyforum.com/nursinghomes/
does the EU have universal not-for-profit nursing home coverage?
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Jenni
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Location: England.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 19:13 Post subject: |
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nouseforaname
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 19:20 Post subject: |
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OK ... it does seems that there is abuse in EU as well, just not as much when you google 
| Quote: | Elder abuse
Doctors must acknowledge it, look for it, and learn how to prevent it Two incidents last week brought elder abuse into the public eye: a community trust in London reported that three staff had been sacked (and others disciplined) for physically abusing the elderly people in one of their homes, Beech House, and Lucille McLauchlan, the nurse imprisoned in Saudi Arabia for murder, was convicted of stealing money from a 79 year old patient when she was a nurse in Dundee. The mistreatment at Beech House included slapping, cold baths, verbal threats, intimidation, withholding drinks, and tying patients up. No one doubts that elderly people can be abused by their carers, but despite a series of high profile cases over the past 30 years,1 2 elder abuse is not widely accepted as a social or medical problem.
The Beech House inquiry exposed ignorance, denial, poor management, low morale, and inadequate training—a litany that defines any poor quality enterprise. These failures still occur because the messages from repeated institutional scandals are ignored. As well as physical abuse (including murder), other forms include sexual abuse and—probably even more prevalent—verbal, financial, and psychological abuse of elderly people at home. Twenty years after Burston first described “granny battering”3 we have yet to tackle the issue with the same vigour as we have tackled child abuse and domestic violence. What then should health professionals and policy makers be doing?
Firstly, good information is needed, because without it there will be poor political support for spending on intervention. Most studies have looked at elder abuse at home, not in institutions, and most are from America. On both sides of the Atlantic community surveys suggest that verbal abuse is common at home,4 5 and 0.52% of elderly people have probably experienced physical abuse.4 5 6 The true prevalence of financial abuse is unknown, and reliable data on abuse in hospitals and nursing homes in Europe are almost nonexistent. In one American survey of 577 nursing home staff a tenth admitted physically abusing their clients, and 40% admitted to psychological abuse.7 |
http://bmj.bmjjournals.com/cgi/reprint/318/7179/278.pdf
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 19:24 Post subject: |
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Coming from Afghan culture where abandoning your parents in any way is completely unacceptable I can say nope not happening. Our culture is based on family and especially parents, once you have kids you incorporate your new life with that of your parents and involve them as much as possible. It's now about shoving them off to the side and prioritizing your life over their's, that's called being selfish.
I'm not saying live with them with your 19 kids. My bro spends as much as of his free time as possible with my parents at their house. He brings his kids and wife and they enjoy some quality time as parent's aren't around forever.
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| Posted: Wed, 7th Feb 2007 20:29 Post subject: |
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Jenni, why your mom hates you and prefers your sister instead anyway?
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