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 Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 10:56 Post subject: The need to hide being sick..... |
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Well I guess this is not really bitching, I just need some form of release and being at work, my options are limited.
A few moments ago, I received a message on Facebook from one of my friends there.
Or rather, from her flatmate using her account, telling me and her other friends that she had not been truthful to use when she told us she suffered from a broken leg and some minor chest infections.
In fact, she suffered from Chronic Myelogenous Leukemia, which is a often terminal bone marrow disease.
None of us knew or even had an indication, we just had not heard from her for a few weeks.
Turns out her Leukemia had entered the "blast" stage, which is terminal and after 2 years of fighting this disease, she could no longer fight it, and died March 27'th.
Tell me all, what has the world become when we feel a need to hide something like this, is it fear of pity or fear of people avoiding you because of it ?, fear maybe that people wont "befriend" someone they know there is hardly any chance of a "future" with ?
For month's and month's we have talked and I have commented on her broken legs or her infections and wished her well with a cheery mood, after all, a broken leg is not the end of the world.......only in this case, what was behind it was just that...
It's strange, few people today are strangers to death, we see it in movies, in the news, some may even witness it themselves, either in family/friends or accidents on the road.
Sooner or later we will see someone we know or care about die, and yet often we will have an idea that it's coming, they will be old, or sick or suicidal or whatnot.
Or it will be an accident and it will be Healthy/Dead......but this here, having talked to someone for ages while they were waiting to die, never knowing..........
What could I have done, some may ask.......nothing, we didnt even live in the same country and im no doctor or miracle-maker.......but noone should go through things like this alone or pretend to be something they are not.
I will miss my friend
R.I.P Ivy Gardener
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deelix
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Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 12:23 Post subject: |
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She was 34 and one of the most beautiful girls you have ever seen, both inside and outside.
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 12:29 Post subject: |
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Thanks Deelix, there really is not much to say to things like this, Death is so final.....
Suddenly you remember all these things you wanted to say, or do, like visit her or tell her what a great person she was, our many talks and how she could make you smile at shitty days.
And that chance is gone, im not a religious person so I don't think i'll see her in a heaven where I can say it.......besides, what god would let someone so sweet die ?
Bah, Life's a Journey they say, too bad the ending sucks 
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 15:26 Post subject: |
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deelix
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Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 15:33 Post subject: |
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The problem was Deelix, that I believe she thought as you, that some would consider her the weakest link.
Also a place like Facebook or MySpace are all not personal, meaning if you write off the bad that you are basically dying, im sure many will think "not worth it, just grief in the end".
But not telling someone you have talked to for month's is what depresses me, because even if I could nt have saved her, maybe I could have made her last days more tolerable, been there for her and let her get things out, things that might have been bottled up inside.
Oh well, she is dead and there is nothing more that can be done, I don't know her family and I already did what I could for her roommate....
I think the worst part of death is not dying or knowing you will die, at least not for me.
It's those you leave behind and the thoughts for them.
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 15:36 Post subject: |
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Yeah, she should have told all her nearest friends and family in the end. But you know how it is when you wait and wait.. it just gets harder to tell. And lots of questions and tears in the end
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$en$i
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| Posted: Thu, 10th Apr 2008 15:58 Post subject: |
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Sad.
| deelix wrote: | | Some people don't want to be threated differently because of something like this. |
QFT. Many would not want to be unfortunately considered as only sick and in many cases to see constantly the pity or sadness in their relatives or friends eyes...
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2008 00:25 Post subject: Re: The need to hide being sick..... |
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| Cebrail wrote: | but this here, having talked to someone for ages while they were waiting to die, never knowing..........
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If thats how she wanted it, then you did your part.
I hope you can take a little comfort in that.
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2008 01:31 Post subject: |
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From my experience, the need to hide your illness comes from the need to avoid hearing everyones pity. You want to spend the remainder of your life not being reminded at every step that you will die. And the pity usually forces you to confront this, and could make you utterly devestated (and living in misery until you die). So in a way, the pity can trigger things to be even worse.
Also, accepting that you will die eliminates the odd chance of actually making it. All life struggles to live, some people just don't want to accept it - and want to keep the chance of survival alive.
I also think fisk should be unbanned.
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2008 05:00 Post subject: |
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Im sorry to hear about your loss mate
If i were terminal i think i would hide it aswell cause i dont want the interactions to change. I would spend alot more time with my friends and family. And write a goodbye letter (saying how much they ment for me) so my friends wont be in your position cause i can imagine it sucks hard donkey balls
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2008 07:22 Post subject: |
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| dominae wrote: | From my experience, the need to hide your illness comes from the need to avoid hearing everyones pity. You want to spend the remainder of your life not being reminded at every step that you will die. And the pity usually forces you to confront this, and could make you utterly devestated (and living in misery until you die). So in a way, the pity can trigger things to be even worse.
Also, accepting that you will die eliminates the odd chance of actually making it. All life struggles to live, some people just don't want to accept it - and want to keep the chance of survival alive. |
I agree. If you have a certian amount of time you don't want people feeling sorry for you. I is a sad thing. I have my owe health problems and I don't want the people closest to me knowing. They would ruin what I have left I would think. I really feel for your frind Cebrail PS I have sucky spelling.
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Apr 2008 14:14 Post subject: |
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Thank you all for your consideration and your posts.
Sometimes it just helps to get it all out of the system and as I mentioned earlier I have tried my fair share of suffering and death's and so.
In the end, I did not know Ivy as well as I would have, but just having known her has made my life better, even dispite the pain of loosing her so suddenly and soon.
But it's a sad world where people feel the need to hide their feelings and suffering *sigh*
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