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Karmeck
Posts: 3341
Location: Sweden
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 Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 19:17 Post subject: Feelings (don't) suck (any more) |
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Starting school again after drooping out of collage, had a nice time there met tow girls. Went with them to the cinema once (shitty movie tho) mange to spend some extra time with one of the after the movie, next day she came to me and we watched some more movie. Told her I like allot here later that day, got the thumb down but got the usual stay friends crap.
What happens here was that the next day was the start of 6 weeks field work and we were not stationed at the same place. During this time our remaining friendship did not grow so to speak. During those 6 week we get to the conclusion that I did not fit for the work as a kindergarten teacher, hence the drop out of collage. Realizing that I would never meet those to nice girls again I was obviously unhappy. Later one day talking to one of the girls online I just start crying for no apparent reason and like allot.
Now a few moths later after dropping out back in school doing some webdesign I once again get to meet tow nice girls and it start all over again. I start to like one of them allot again (the other one is take anyway). And now I learn that they both might droop out of the school Im in. And as I was about start typing this post I started to feel the tears wanting out of my eye's.
Feelings suck
Oh and Pfiemelcheese, I give you one free shoot at me for making this post.
Last edited by Karmeck on Fri, 30th Jan 2009 21:13; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 19:36 Post subject: |
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I think you are being too hard on yourself. Changing jobs or realizing the school you have been in isn't for you is kinda a big deal.
My sister is a kindergarden teacher, the job isn't for everyone.
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Karmeck
Posts: 3341
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 19:53 Post subject: |
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It's not dropping out of school that make me sad, it's the lose of contact with the people in them.
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 19:57 Post subject: |
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I know. You can always keep in contact with facebook or msn. That was what I did after I stopped working. It was hard keeping in contact because everyone was soo busy, school, work, boy/girlfriend. You always make new friends too. There are lots of nice people in the world.
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 20:49 Post subject: |
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There is no reason to lose contact at all
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 22:37 Post subject: |
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@ Karmeck
Nothing you can do about it really. You liked her, made your move, she didn't like you "that" way , it's cool. You did the right thing anyway. It's easy to idolize girls you barely know : they seem so pretty and nice ... because you don't know them and they didn't screw you over. It's all a big trap !!!
@tainted
I only care about ppl I've had sex with (girls only btw!) It's strange to share something like that with someone and then just let go... forever. Friends can go fuck themselves, lolz.
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 22:50 Post subject: |
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| Quote: | @tainted
I only care about ppl I've had sex with (girls only btw!) It's strange to share something like that with someone and then just let go... forever. Friends can go fuck themselves, lolz. |
See, that's the weird thing. I should be attatched to a girl I just had sex with, right? But I'm not. In fact, if she just picked up and walked away, and never talked to me again, I simply wouldn't care. Shouldn't I be jealous if they're fucking another guy the next day? I'm not. It's kind of scary. I read all those documentaries on the asoicial behaivour of serial killers, and compare them to my own behaivour, and I say to myself "shit, is this really what I am?". 
Sense Amid Madness, Wit Amidst Folly
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 22:56 Post subject: |
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Tainted
Just because you see yourself as antisocial doesn't mean you are anything like a serial killer. You didn't kill animals in your childhood did you? Maybe you don't care so much because your mind is full of other stuff.
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 23:01 Post subject: |
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No, I'm not a serial killer, and I've never tortured animals in my childhood. Still, how easy is it to cross the line? It's one of those thoughts that keeps you up late at night... and I doubt my mind is full of other stuff. Compared to life in the Balkans, my life here in the USA is absolute paradise. I am very very content, and have no problems in my life to continusously occupy my mind.
Sense Amid Madness, Wit Amidst Folly
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WaldoJ
VIP Member
Posts: 32677
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 23:02 Post subject: |
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 I was like that once. Still am. Dun care for peoples much, love them loads, love everyone I know. Means you're goody! Goody good good! Like yaaay good! Like you wouldn't harm a person kind of good. Then you see yourself walking down a street and some fag is like.. OI! and you punch him couple times, and you start enjoying it more and more and more and more and suddenly his face is all overed in scars and cuts and tiny holes where you can stick your penis in. And you just smile and get up, feel good and away you go whistling to the calm breeze of a summers day! 
To be a serial killer is sooo smiley face!
Being anti-social means you dun react to peoples, you dun talk to peoples, prolly the way you got the girl is that she walked up to you, and you had no idea what to say, and if you were anti-social you wouldn't have fucked her. You just dun have feelings for her. She's just a fuck. That's all she is. Feelings develop, they aren't instant. YOu can't say you gotta love the girl you just fucked, cause that's stupid. That'd be like we have to marry every girl we had a one night stand with. That's STOOOPID! Polygomy is pwn tho!
If you have no feelings for her, and the sex is great, let it go on for a while. Then break up w/ her when you find a girl you can actually care for. Other than that, stop being an introvert, go out, enjoy life and stop thinking depressed thoughts!
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 23:21 Post subject: |
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While I am introverted, it's because I like it that way. Still, I regularly go to parties every weekend or every other weekend, and there I just let loose and completely unhinge and do some crazy shit, and then disappear for the rest of the week until next weekend... I always go out when my friends call me, and we always have a great time, and yet I don't have any permanent, close friends worth mentioning, so I don't get called out that often (maybe once every 2-3 weeks). The only reason people call me is probably because they think I'm 'cool' or some shit, since they don't know anything about me (I'm a computer and Warhammer geek, where is the cool in that?) Still, I like this life. I feel that I meet new people, and I can be friends with anyone. I just can't stand to go out with people every day though. They just get... boring. I've never found anyone I genuinely like I guess.
And girls are easy. They think I'm cute and cool or some shit, and from there on I just have to spend time with them if I want to get anywhere. Problem is, I never get the motivation to spend time with em. They all call me to go out, and complain that I never call them. Heck, sometimes I get genuinely bored of them and ignore their calls for a day or two because I just can't stand another day of boredom with them. When we do go out, I try my best to give em a dream date, taking them to fancy restaurants or shopping sprees, paying for everything, or going to a theme park and getting a VIP fastpass, going to sick college parties... and yet I don't do this for their pleasure. I don't do it for myself either, because it sickens me that I have to fawn over them all the time and make conversation, when 99% of the time its just brainless prattle. Heck the only reason I go out with them is to maintain my reputation as a mysterious cool guy with lots of money who knows how to have a good time. So I guess in the end it's not about the social contact, but just my big ego. That's all I think about: myself. And from what I gather, that's a pretty fucked up way to approach life.
And lets not forget how fucked up my moral compass is. For example: I have no qualms about spamming ads for bondage pornography if it gets me easy money. I get money, and the only people I sicken and inconvenience are people I will never meet. So why not? And yet, from what I gather most people think that it is immoral for me to do such a thing. This puzzles me. There is all this money lying around, like low hanging fruit on a tree, all I have to do is forget my morals (which I don't have) for a second and reach out and grab the prize. And quite frankly, I don't give a fuck about the suffering going on in the world. Take Iraq for example: my stance is fuck em, as long as our interests are getting fulfilled, we can stay there for all of eternity. What is the point of having power if you can't abuse it? Now most of you will probably mentally recoil in discuss at the last statement. How could I not care about the innocents being slaughtered, the billions being wasted, the crimes against everything we stand for. I simply don't. I don't care or feel anything about it. I just pretend to, so that I might maintain an illusion that I have morals and am as upright and caring as the next human being. But I'm not, and my mind is an ugly, cold thing. I mouth words to appease society, while in reality I'm doing my own thing.
And sometimes, it's so scary to live like this... should I be unhappy? Pained? Because I'm not. I know I'm different, in a bad way, but as long as I hide it I'm fine, and I can continue to lead the charmed life I have been living so far.
Sense Amid Madness, Wit Amidst Folly
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 23:26 Post subject: |
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And let me just add: I have never discussed this with anyone in real life. I'm just putting it down on the internet because I've been thinking a lot about it for a long time, and it's the internet so fuck it.
EDIT And let me just clarify: I'm not totally emotionless. Sometimes random emotions just hit me. I have an impulse to hug a girl, or I get so angry at someone shittalking my friend that I beat the shit out of them. Once I read a WWII memoir, and a little piece about a man jumping on a grenade for his buddies brought tears to my eyes. Or I see a picture of my academic counselor and his wife on their wedding day sitting on the counselor's desk, and I feel genuinely happy for him. It's just that those emotions are few and far in between. In fact I can clearly remember each instance of them hitting me, because they're so unexptected and rare for me.
Sense Amid Madness, Wit Amidst Folly
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frno
Posts: 99
Location: uk
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 23:56 Post subject: |
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That is not healthy.. Dont you feel lonely living alone without any (real)friends?
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| Posted: Thu, 28th Aug 2008 23:58 Post subject: |
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No, not at all. Sometimes I spend too much time playing games or coding and I really want to talkt to someone, so I just go to the YMCA or go to a party or something along those lines. And after I've been sated I just come back to my books and my computer.
Sense Amid Madness, Wit Amidst Folly
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 04:57 Post subject: |
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Tainted your sentiments are actually fairly common for someone who has never had a close relationship, family excluded. I share certain characteristics with you, and I personally believe that a certain amount of conceit is healthy. But you will never know true fulfillment until you make yourself psychologically and emotionally vulnerable to another person and they not only reciprocate but consummate your psyche.
It has to be someone you choose, where the relationship is formed through your own deliberation, it's a risk. That's why it's so different to the default bond of family.
Now you can decide for yourself what I'm talking about here, because people interpret it differently, some call it love. It all boils down to the same thing. Extending your emotional perception and sensitivity beyond the self. This isn't necessarily a simple boy-girl thing.
Your lifestyle of moving around frequently has conditioned you to minimize the emotional attachments you form. It's a defense mechanism, and only you can decide when it's no longer necessary.
As for morality, well it's an entirely human construct anyway, and as such it's as whimsical as every other ideology. I too am only concerned about things within my sphere of influence, and I consider that being a realist, not having a fucked up moral compass.
"Techniclly speaking, Beta-Manboi didnt inject Burberry_Massi with Benz, he injected him with liquid that had air bubbles in it, which caused benz." - House M.D
"Faith without logic is the same as knowledge without understanding; meaningless"
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 06:30 Post subject: |
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| AnimalMother wrote: | | This isn't necessarily a simple boy-girl thing. |
Don't give him any queery ideas ! Sometimes I think he is just waiting for me to drop my usb disk so that he can "penetrate my security"
Yo, tainted, boy-boy is BAD
BAD !!!
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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Karmeck
Posts: 3341
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 18:46 Post subject: |
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It's just that I really care for those connections with other that I do manage to crate.
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 19:25 Post subject: |
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@ tainted
Seems to me like you're missing out on the best parts of life.
I can't imagine going through life without my friends. And by friends i don't mean people whom you go out with every now and then, but people that genuinely care about you.
People that you can share your thoughts and emotions with without fear of judgment. People that you can lean on in the time of need. People that can hold your secrets.
You need to find yourself a real friend, which shouldn't be hard, cause you seem like a pretty nice guy.
As for scamming people for "easy money", there is no such thing. Call it "God", "Karma" or whatever you want, but you'll always pay for something you take.
Don't condemn yourself to a lonely existence, because you deserve better
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WaldoJ
VIP Member
Posts: 32677
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 19:33 Post subject: |
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Lool! I had a friend, a good friend, told her EVERYTHING and yesterday she used everything i told her against me cause she needed a laff.  Needless to say we aint friends no more.
There are good friends, but most of the time, in my world, they're just bidness partners. I got like 3 friends I can rely on shit. Others are just peoples I talk to daily about making moneys and goin drinkin and screwin birds. Other peeps, the 3 folks, we talk about 'feelings, emotions and thoughts' without lolling so much.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 20:03 Post subject: |
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Double post
Last edited by pistolshrimp on Fri, 29th Aug 2008 20:09; edited 1 time in total
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| Posted: Fri, 29th Aug 2008 20:06 Post subject: |
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| WaldoJ wrote: | Lool! I had a friend, a good friend, told her EVERYTHING and yesterday she used everything i told her against me cause she needed a laff. Needless to say we aint friends no more.
There are good friends, but most of the time, in my world, they're just bidness partners. I got like 3 friends I can rely on shit. Others are just peoples I talk to daily about making moneys and goin drinkin and screwin birds. Other peeps, the 3 folks, we talk about 'feelings, emotions and thoughts' without lolling so much. |
Do you think it could be you setting yourself up for failure? You choose this people. There much be something in thier bitchy and dishonest personality screaming "choose me, let me be the one". Sometimes people graviate toward people who can never give them what they require. Some women are like that with abusive men. They think if an asshole loves them they must be really worth it then.
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Phluxed
VIP Member
Posts: 4911
Location: Oakville, Ontario, Canada
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| Posted: Tue, 2nd Sep 2008 13:36 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | | WaldoJ wrote: | Lool! I had a friend, a good friend, told her EVERYTHING and yesterday she used everything i told her against me cause she needed a laff. Needless to say we aint friends no more.
There are good friends, but most of the time, in my world, they're just bidness partners. I got like 3 friends I can rely on shit. Others are just peoples I talk to daily about making moneys and goin drinkin and screwin birds. Other peeps, the 3 folks, we talk about 'feelings, emotions and thoughts' without lolling so much. |
Do you think it could be you setting yourself up for failure? You choose this people. There much be something in thier bitchy and dishonest personality screaming "choose me, let me be the one". Sometimes people graviate toward people who can never give them what they require. Some women are like that with abusive men. They think if an asshole loves them they must be really worth it then. |
Some? 
I'd say almost all.
Also, Waldo is a cool guy, but he's said it himself, he's emotionally unstable. He will always gravitate towards people who hurt him because part of him enjoys torturing himself. I wub the dood, and wish I could help him, but he's got the same shit happening day in day out. That's not going to come from advice on a forum. He needs to find it within or find help.
As for the original topic, that feelings suck, I couldn't agree more. All they do is make life complicated, but I'm going to rock out some cliché here and say its all a matter of perspective. I don't find myself thinking my feelings for people suck because they make them complicated, they just add some spice to life, and if everything came easy, nothing would be spectacular. I've thought I was in love before, I even got engaged thinking I was.
When I changed my view on some things, it came to my attention that I actually had very strong feelings for someone I would never let myself admit to myself, until recently. I think began to feel exuberant and... well.. spectacular. Even if they don't reciprocate, it's just another thing to make you feel alive.
Enjoy life, it's too short to waste. You only live once, and you only die once. Try to make everything before the latter worth the journey. PS, cheer up.
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| Posted: Tue, 2nd Sep 2008 18:06 Post subject: |
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Karmeck mate, I was like you once, held my head down too soon and thought I'll never be happy and shit allways happens to me. But I changed my attitude, its all about not focusing on one thing but on many, you can't expect every girl you like to like you back. So i will allways contact many(and like 15 at once each day)and if someone really likes you she will let you know(she won't say it but you gotta have shit for brains if you can't figure that out).
When a chick ditches me, it takes like a week to get over it, maximum, sometimes after 3-4 days I am already dating someone new, I just don't give a shit, I know I am worth every penny in gold. Right now I found a new chick and we'r a perfect match and its going great, and thats all cuz I never ever let a women get me down(cuz if you cry and wail you are standing still in time and in my opinion thats all wasted energy you could have spent on girls that might like you for you).
This new chick I have, I don't even have to think about things, I can really be myself and she likes every part of it, yeah she makes fun of my accent sometimes and shit, but its important to allways be yourself else you'r in for a short relationship just kidding yourself and trying to life up to someone elses standards(and I think thats exactly what you'r doing).
So cheer the fuck up, and don't focus on 1 thing.
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| Posted: Tue, 2nd Sep 2008 18:26 Post subject: |
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Pfiemelcheese
Glad you got a new girl. So you 2 are from different places?
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| Posted: Tue, 2nd Sep 2008 18:30 Post subject: |
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More like different cities, she lives about 30 miles from me but its a huge accent difference, but it doesn't matter to her really, she ain't superficial:P
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| Posted: Tue, 2nd Sep 2008 18:32 Post subject: |
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Where I live everybody pretty much sounds the same within 30 miles.
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