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 Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 04:25 Post subject: Changes in behaviour, what to do? |
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Lets say you have a new friend, at first they are open towards you, very friendly, calling you up all the time, texting you and shit, talking on msn alot, then all of a sudden this socalled friend meets someone(on a sexual level you know). And then their attitude towards you changes, no more phonecalls, no more sms'es, msn talks are uninterested and seem forced.
What do you do in this case, do you stick by them or do you let them rot? I been through this with one of my best friends who I have know for 28 years now and he too had an episode like that for a few months and I let it pass and we'r still best friends. This time its a friendship thats very young, so its not something you can let pass easily cuz there's no history. What to do, what to do, ..... Maybe best to ignore this new friend like they'r ignoring me eh?
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 04:55 Post subject: |
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let it fly. friends are hard to come by now. before it was them who called you. call them up and talk. maintain the friendship. it's a big thing. if it's an ex... fuck off and don't think about it. if it's a girl you liked, fuck off, don't think about it. you know. but if it's someone you admire as a friend. respect and all that. don't cut the contact bs. no matter what. if it's someone you trust. keep it going. even if the phonecalls happen once a month. keep it going. don't destroy it. seriously. you can say no to an ex who needs you before she attempts suicide. you can say no to a cunt who gave a guy a handjob infront of you. but if this is a friend. keep it going. let them know you're there for them. because when you'll need someone to talk to, it'll be limited, very small and the opinion circle will be shallow.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 08:26 Post subject: |
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 13:01 Post subject: |
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Mmmm only seems that way kaeye, I have 8 extremely close friends and alot of acquintances from my local pub, this is a new friend I am talking about now.
And as far as lovelife is concerned, yes thats as fucked up as yours:LOL:
And guess I'll let it fly then cuz somehow I feel like sense is just around the corner and once they realize that their early jitterbird bugs are gone or the relationship isn't going as they planned they automatically come back  But something like this is so different from person to person eh, when I look at my life, only 1 friend treated me like that and he was desperate to find a mate for life, thats why he cut me out for a few months, all my other friends just stayed true to their nature and gave their girlfriend just as much time as they gave me.
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Lutzifer
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 15:20 Post subject: |
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if he just got a new girlfriend he is flying high on hormones and sure has other things to think about than male bonding. Just let him off the hook for the next weeks. The hormone rush usually stops after 3-5 months so go figure when he ll be right in the head again =)
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 15:22 Post subject: |
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lol i never had a hormone rush. 
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 15:46 Post subject: |
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well 3-5 months is not the time I am gonna wait to be a friend, 2-3 weeks and if nothing changes I'm done with it, little respect goes a long way.
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 17:16 Post subject: |
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Give the guy a break. Would you be as hard on him if he busy at work?
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Lutzifer
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 17:21 Post subject: |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | | well 3-5 months is not the time I am gonna wait to be a friend, 2-3 weeks and if nothing changes I'm done with it, little respect goes a long way. |
i didnt say you should wait that long, just be sure to give him some space and dont pressure him / dont expect too much from him in the first weeks of him falling in love. Rather ask him how his new gf is and that you understand that he might need some more time with her...
...perhaps he even feels threatened by you, because you re such a stud and he fears you might take away his love from him (apart from that being a joke, some guys actually do act weird because of insecurities and irrational jealousy towards their male friends) |
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 17:27 Post subject: |
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Cheese
Maybe you friend feels guilty because you don't have a girl. He doesn't want to rub it in your face.
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 17:47 Post subject: |
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Could be, but don't think thats it, we'll see how this develops.
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 18:22 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | Cheese
Maybe you friend feels guilty because you don't have a girl. He doesn't want to rub it in your face. |
no way. if he were guilty, he'd chill with cheese non-stop. y'know. at the beginning of any relationship the person wants it to work out, wants it to last and for that devotion of time is important.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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Lutzifer
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 18:25 Post subject: |
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that makes male bonding sound kinda cheesey, hahahaha
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 18:28 Post subject: |
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| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 18:43 Post subject: |
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point is... the guy isn't an asshole... he just fell in love... don't punish him for that.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:27 Post subject: |
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Who says the person I am talking about is a guy:) Its not, but thats besides the point eh.
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Karmeck
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Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:30 Post subject: |
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it's not besides the point.
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:32 Post subject: |
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well then we're all the more right. the girls are a shit load emotional and shit. a lass, needy and psychotic, will spend most of the time with the guy because she wants it to work. because she's needy and gay.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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Lutzifer
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:34 Post subject: |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | | Who says the person I am talking about is a guy:) Its not, but thats besides the point eh. |
to quote house, m.d.:
"that changes everything"
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:47 Post subject: |
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yeah guess you'r right, they turn into cunts once they find someone, where first everything was peaches and fun times, now you'r garbage to them:D
Ok decision made, dropping this socalled friend like a brick:LOL:
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:49 Post subject: |
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just cause she won't put out now, doesn't mean you gotta drop her. 
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 19:52 Post subject: |
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yeah it does Waldo, cuz this one starts acting agro and shit, she's a changed person now, its like I have to watch my words or she'll get emotional or mad. The stuff we used to talk about and laugh about is far gone, to her I am someone unfamiliar to her eventhough I know her ins and outs. Can't really explain but its as if 100% of her attention has gone to this smuck and she's dropped all her friends.
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 20:01 Post subject: |
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yeah she's needy. she's dependant on a relationship. lonely. loserish. emotional. simple girl. when this thing fails, her boy and her, she'll have no one to fall back to. Don't do that to her. Don't do that to anybody.
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 20:22 Post subject: |
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Well, she's indeed a simple, lonely girl, and I'll give it a few weeks ok, just for your sake and to see if you'r right. Cuz if my gutfeeling is correct, this new guy will dump her in less than 2 weeks, I seen the pictures from him and he looks like the fuck and run type:)
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Sep 2008 23:42 Post subject: |
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My advise is to just let it go for now. He's busy spending time with this new partner. This is normal and if you try to step infront of this you may just anger the new partner which will just make things hard on your friend. If their relationship flourishes and continues to do so then the last thing you want to do is be on the bad side of his partner.
If you really must spend time with him at the moment then invite her along too and try to learn about her and know what types of things she would agree to go to with you. This way you can spend time with him and gain favorable terms with her as well. Feel free to bring someone as long with you as well since women love to mingle amongst each other this would help give you more time to be with your friend. But you will have to realize that he won't be able to hang out with you as much as he did in the past no matter what. Even more so if the relationship between them produces children and/or marriage.
*Edit*
Woops just read that the friend is female.. so ignore any "he's" and advice that is assuming of genders.
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SycoShaman
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| Posted: Sun, 28th Sep 2008 02:57 Post subject: |
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its tough to say.
Alot of guys do that, ditch their boys because of the new woman...but honestly, i think guys like that are insecure. They are afraid if they dont spend every waking moment with their girl, she's gunna leave. And thats not a good road to go down. Works at first, but then when your comfortable in the relationship and she wants to start chilling with her gf's, the guy ends up taking it personally as in she isnt interested anymore.
But like i said, its mostly guys who cant or dont get women who pull that kinda shit.
Cause my best friend and I have never had problems gettin women and we dont think a woman is worth our friendship since we are like brothers. He lives in Vancouver now, but I talk to him almost everyday for an hour or 2. And his girl just broke up with him and we got onto this exact subject earlier today. People who are too co-dependent have insecurity issues in my book.
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| Posted: Sun, 28th Sep 2008 04:37 Post subject: |
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so what you'r saying Syco, this girl is too co-dependent, cuz it sure is starting to look like she's spending every waking moment with this guy. But I ask myself, why is her total character changed(and I am not even talking about her not talking so much to me anymore), even my best friend a few years back stayed the same characterwise, is this different for women or something cuz I never actually seen something like this happen to a female friend before, the other female friends I have are really sober when they met someone else and allways stayed the same towards me.
I'm an observer eh, and I allways try to rationalize things.
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WaldoJ
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| Posted: Sun, 28th Sep 2008 04:39 Post subject: |
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did you read the shit i wrote?
| Sin317 wrote: | | I win, you lose. Or Go fuck yourself. |
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