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 Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 04:59 Post subject: How to make a successful game |
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1) write a story about a war against a far greater army of ugly aliens or foreign enemies
2) The hero must be an angsty but naive faggot that's all tough talk with deep voice with testosterone flying out his ears
3) if there's a love interest it must be a rebellious hot chick that is part of a rebel organization fighting the all mighty enemy
4) give player 90000hp points + regenerating health
5) make friendly NPC immortal
6) deliberately make the AI dumb so it just stands there and gets shot, if you want to make it challenging just give it perfect aim with an assault rifle 9 miles away
7) TPS or FPS in genre
8.) Cover system is a MUST but don't work too hard on it just stick the player to a wall
9) all rooms must have crates and miniwalls from mysterious origins for the player to hide against
10) Either use UE or if you're rich enough make your own engine, just make sure it has a lot and I mean A LOT of bloom, HDR and brown colors, it MUST look and play the same as GOW or you're fail, make sure that even the most goriest moments look attractive and pretty because of bloom and HDR
more on that later, I gotta grab something to eat.
feel free to contribute
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LeoNatan
☢ NFOHump Despot ☢
Posts: 73196
Location: Ramat Gan, Israel 🇮🇱
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| Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 05:04 Post subject: |
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11) make all colors brown or gray to make the game feel gritty 
12) make it mainstreamed for accessibility - include a derp & execute and the retards will love it ("I am so stealthy and tactical - I just shot 5 dudes in the face automatically!" - just listen to Conderption videos on YouTube  )
13) make sure to use as less buttons on the controller as possible, preferably only 1, otherwise the game will be branded hardcore 
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| Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 05:23 Post subject: |
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14) make sure to cut as much content from the game as possible, and announce it as DLC months before the game is released, sell them for $15 a piece, each contains a lazor gun or a special constume (skin job) for easy profit, the derps will buy it to feed their OCD, and besides, they all got their mommy and daddy to buy it for them
15) if your game is a sequel to a series that goes a long way, never ever consider going back to the roots, instead, offer easier puzzles that consist of pushing a button to open a door, and all of the above
16) Try to create the same shit just give it a different name, and say it's "innovative" and pay the GT hosts to go WOW over it, for example, make "vertical" combat or fights against jetpack troops, or a special mode that gives you a certain ability, yes it all has been done before but they'll go WOW over it anyway and get you a lot of cash from derp kids
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| Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 05:23 Post subject: |
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17) achievements fucking everywhere.
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| Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 05:23 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 05:33 Post subject: |
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14) cliffhanger ending. gotta sell the sequel somehow.
15) DLC! but don't make new stuff or cut it out from the game, just disable it and offer a 400MSP/5$ ransom for players to access it
16) if you can't come up with a decent story about a war against a far greater army of ugly aliens or foreign enemies, just purchase some old franchise name and rape the hell out of it
17) add a stealth mission just for the sake of having a stealth mission in the game
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| Posted: Tue, 24th Aug 2010 08:08 Post subject: |
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lol juba you so nerdy
i wouldn't trade these drunken days to be like you
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