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 Posted: Mon, 10th Feb 2014 06:43 Post subject: Just thinking how i got here... so far... |
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Families are indeed the most powerful tool you have in life, we have a chain of people who support us and others behind them that supported them too.
So today im here, in this country, working, studying etc. Not rich, but i manage, i can enjoy some things i like, i cannot enjoy other things, so its ok.
So overall, i feel i havent made a lot of progress, but im positive ill find a way someday. But today and a lot of times i blame my father for how ive come to be today.
I dont mean my failures and lazyness etc, thats on me, i mean what my family went through and what that meant for us when my father went away. Both of my parents came from really poor rural families, so we did not have a strong support, they worked their ass off and i have a lot of gratitude for that since we did study in good schools and we have a house of our own, not rented.
But him breaking off from our family when i was 16, that meant my mother who didnt have a career or stable job, had to work her ass off for us. This meant a very hard blow to our life and economy.
Then both of my sisters never landed in a good job, so one of them went to canada and the other one got married and has a so-so life with a very bad job, but shes happy.
But heres what weights on me.... what a father would have meant to me, to us, ever since i was 16 i had no father, we had no strong income in the house, my father opened a bussiness in his hometown and started drinking and dealing with women, in the end he went away with one and had a kid etc, by that time my mother had decided to break it off. 16 to 19, it was a hard road... lots of economy problems, debts, etc.
Until i graduated from school and got a job when i was 19, i started helping at home and enjoying my life once again and my mother stopped working her painful failing personal sales job, around when i was 20 my mother went to canada to live with my other sister, so i had to support my home, pay everything with my sister. by 23 my mother returned and my sister's job went to hell, she didnt get payed for almost the next 3 years.
So from 23 to 26 i was paying everything at home, that took a toll on me, stress, lack of motivation at work, painful experiences with women, facing my reality etc.... now im 26. And my sis has started contributing at home, so im happier now.
But all this, what would have been of us if we had a responsible father... i have looked at all my friends with pain as i saw families supporting each other and walking forward. Meanwhile i was doing all i could to fill all what was needed in our lives.
I would imagine i would have had a backing in life, to grow up in peace, to not have to face such pressure and the hardships i had. Someone who would help me, who would share my racing and car hobbies. i guess life would have been a lot better, but thats that and reality is this. Im proud of where i am, of what i have done for my family, but sadly i did miss having someone backing me up. Being responsible for us.
This did create a lot in me, a lot of ethics and morals, because i do know whats what, i do know what money is worth, what family means and what it means for the future generations, what is needed in a family and its one of the reasons i would never betray my family, my wife, my kids, i would never abandon them nor would i ever play with their life and feelings.
I do appreciate what my parents have done, but i do lower my head and sometimes raise my fists because i know that the failure of their marriage, condemned me to a blank start with a lot of responsibility that weighted on me very heavily.
I just wish people would learn someday that to make a family, is an eternal love commitment for others, i know i learned and i will always be there for my family when i decide to create a new one....
TL/DR: Fuck anyone who breaks a family apart leaving kids in the wild to grow up in debt and responsibilities of growing up to support their parents and sisters.
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