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 Posted: Sun, 18th Nov 2012 20:22 Post subject: I feel sad... |
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It's Sunday evening and I feel incredibly sad 
And I've been feeling like this since Friday
Since there was this mess with generals coming home from Hague (which is nice and all), we didn't have training Friday evening. And I really needed that training...
Plus my life sucks Because of my situation at home, I cannot have a boyfriend, and I won't be able to have one until I move out, which won't happen for at least a year.
I have a 'sex friend' but there are feelings involved, and I feel I'll get hurt pretty soon, even tho he really is a great friend...
It seems that my life is just standing still, and I'm unable to do anything about it because I feel pressure to finish my school and trying to handle the part of my family that knows about me (my sis and mother) and that hates me for it...
I would like to live my life, and I can't
I'd like to win on a lottery. That way I could at least move out, have my peace of mind. Without my mom nosing around, without the obsessive need of my parents to know what I'm doing at every step of my life.
And lying. I hate lying And that's the only way I can see my 'sex friend'. And that was the reason I came out to my mom. To not have to lie. But she's paranoid how my dad will react, so I didn't tell him... And now everything is so... different
I hate being sad, and I hate my life...
And I hate stupid rain, that's not helping at all...
Oh and I hate having shitty internet speed, and living so far, and not having money, and car, or sth... I'm living in a part of the town that relies on buses, and train, and that is not regular at all...
Fuck my shitty life
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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| Posted: Sun, 18th Nov 2012 20:45 Post subject: |
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I love to train. I have been training Muay Thai for one month now, and I love it. I love when I get all wet with sweat, and feel every muscle in my body ache. It fills me with such energy.
And last Friday we didn't have one. I did bruise the front sole of my right foot tho :\
The biggest issue I think is my mom. She hates me, even tho she said she doesn't - but when she implied that me being gay is sickness or that I can choose, it was kinda clear to me what she thinks of me.
And every time I go out, even tho I tell her with who and where I'm going, she rolls her eyes. Like every time I'm going on some gay orgy! 
Sigh. It's so hard... and knowing that it will be over a year until I can do sth about it is even worse
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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Roach_666
Posts: 1299
Location: Hell in its Alpha Build
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| Posted: Sun, 18th Nov 2012 21:22 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Sun, 18th Nov 2012 21:52 Post subject: |
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| dingo_d wrote: | I love to train. I have been training Muay Thai for one month now, and I love it. I love when I get all wet with sweat, and feel every muscle in my body ache. It fills me with such energy.
And last Friday we didn't have one. I did bruise the front sole of my right foot tho :\
The biggest issue I think is my mom. She hates me, even tho she said she doesn't - but when she implied that me being gay is sickness or that I can choose, it was kinda clear to me what she thinks of me.
And every time I go out, even tho I tell her with who and where I'm going, she rolls her eyes. Like every time I'm going on some gay orgy!
Sigh. It's so hard... and knowing that it will be over a year until I can do sth about it is even worse |
You just have to remember your mom is humun and she isn't always right...Sometimes parents can be downright ignorant. You have to know your own truth in your heart. Sometimes that can be a lonely place but so many of us have been there, when we were doing the right thing, making the right choices for us and yet so many seem to be against us. There are some big people in history who have been through that exact same thing.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are just wired a bit differently in some areas, like I'm wired a bit different when it comes to some things. You have compassion for others and I know from over the years you are what I think a good person is. Never lose faith in yourself EVEN if others can't see it. This path you are on now...there are others coming up behind you and you will have lots to share with them in terms of strength and experience. When these struggles are behind you, never forget where you came from <3
1 yr isn't that long. Dingo<3
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| Posted: Sun, 18th Nov 2012 23:14 Post subject: |
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As long as your surroundings show promise of change (finish studies, get a job, move out, live well, whatever) dont feel bad, as long as chances are there push, theres always the ocasional sadness or depression from how hard life is but its ups and downs. Im gonna cut the shit now, not in the mood to really talk or send the correct message.
But let me tell you one thing, you have open roads, obstacles in the way but u do seem to have an open road.
Some other people already have the roads closed (quit school, got fired with a bad reputation on their curriculum, lost parts of their bodies, lost families while needing them etc) or like in my case, where im surrounded by a country that is pushing us all to the verge of being poor by raising expenses and decreasing income, pulling all kind of fucking strings to make us unstable. With knowledge that i wont be able to get a job easily if i get fired, with no promise of safety when i go out my door, no promise of an stable economy or future for my family or kids.
You still have a lot to do and ways to do it, hold up and keep studing, planing ur life etc.
Fuck! i hate MY life. But im still waiting i know i can still make something out of this.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 00:03 Post subject: |
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| pistolshrimp wrote: | | dingo_d wrote: | I love to train. I have been training Muay Thai for one month now, and I love it. I love when I get all wet with sweat, and feel every muscle in my body ache. It fills me with such energy.
And last Friday we didn't have one. I did bruise the front sole of my right foot tho :\
The biggest issue I think is my mom. She hates me, even tho she said she doesn't - but when she implied that me being gay is sickness or that I can choose, it was kinda clear to me what she thinks of me.
And every time I go out, even tho I tell her with who and where I'm going, she rolls her eyes. Like every time I'm going on some gay orgy!
Sigh. It's so hard... and knowing that it will be over a year until I can do sth about it is even worse |
You just have to remember your mom is humun and she isn't always right...Sometimes parents can be downright ignorant. You have to know your own truth in your heart. Sometimes that can be a lonely place but so many of us have been there, when we were doing the right thing, making the right choices for us and yet so many seem to be against us. There are some big people in history who have been through that exact same thing.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are just wired a bit differently in some areas, like I'm wired a bit different when it comes to some things. You have compassion for others and I know from over the years you are what I think a good person is. Never lose faith in yourself EVEN if others can't see it. This path you are on now...there are others coming up behind you and you will have lots to share with them in terms of strength and experience. When these struggles are behind you, never forget where you came from <3
1 yr isn't that long. Dingo<3 |
Thank you for these kind words  It's always nice to see that there are ppl who will try to cheer you up, even tho they don't know you in person. And it's inspiring to see someone who has lived through similar stuff I'm going through, and lived to tell the tale. It gives me hope.
@Lopin: Stay strong. I know what shit you're going through. And my country isn't peaches also, most of the times you need some kind of connection to get a job. It sucks, and that notion is also kinda frightening.
I guess I just have to stay positive, and look forward to what lies ahead...
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 00:23 Post subject: |
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Why should you be concerned with what others think of you?
You are what you are, your choices and your personality is what makes you yourself.
It's not you who has to shape who you are to get the approval of others, it's the opposite.
If you have to concede aspects of your personality and inner self to sustain a relationship, even if a parental one, then, that relationship is destructive for who, and what you are, and it's not worth any effort or investment from your part.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 00:41 Post subject: |
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| Nhiumewyn wrote: | Why should you be concerned with what others think of you?
You are what you are, your choices and your personality is what makes you yourself.
It's not you who has to shape who you are to get the approval of others, it's the opposite.
If you have to concede aspects of your personality and inner self to sustain a relationship, even if a parental one, then, that relationship is destructive for who, and what you are, and it's not worth any effort or investment from your part. |
This^
Wow, I'm actually... I just gave my thumbs up to Ron's post, that's awkward 
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 00:48 Post subject: |
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| Nhiumewyn wrote: | Why should you be concerned with what others think of you?
You are what you are, your choices and your personality is what makes you yourself.
It's not you who has to shape who you are to get the approval of others, it's the opposite.
If you have to concede aspects of your personality and inner self to sustain a relationship, even if a parental one, then, that relationship is destructive for who, and what you are, and it's not worth any effort or investment from your part. |
Easily said, hard to do, unless you don't care at all about your family that is.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 00:54 Post subject: |
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| Stormwolf wrote: | | Nhiumewyn wrote: | Why should you be concerned with what others think of you?
You are what you are, your choices and your personality is what makes you yourself.
It's not you who has to shape who you are to get the approval of others, it's the opposite.
If you have to concede aspects of your personality and inner self to sustain a relationship, even if a parental one, then, that relationship is destructive for who, and what you are, and it's not worth any effort or investment from your part. |
Easily said, hard to do, unless you don't care at all about your family that is. |
Family is a social condition of mutual acceptance, not an implicit state where one is constantly attempting to fulfill the expectations of others.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 00:58 Post subject: |
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Yes, so much is true, yet you can't just magic away any emotional bond you have with your family because of some disagreement.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 01:04 Post subject: |
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| Stormwolf wrote: | | Yes, so much is true, yet you can't just magic away any emotional bond you have with your family because of some disagreement. |
That would depend on who you are, and how you deal with emotional stimuli.
No matter what, the lowering of interactions with such persons, is always the better approach for psychological and emotional balance.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 01:10 Post subject: |
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Walking home wondering if your parents hate you and don't perhaps care about talking to you might be devastating in the long run, I would say serious time apart would be the best for all parties. I think they just need time to digest and get to terms with the situation.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 03:35 Post subject: |
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She is coming to her own acceptance about what she can and can't control. It is a process and will work out the way it's meant too as long as Dingo keeps plugging away, being true to himself. Eventually she is going to meet other parents who have gay kids and she is going to see love or hate and it might just open her mind in a good way.
God, I remember 20 yrs ago when different races hooking up was a big deal, treated almost the same way. There were parents and families that accepted their children's decisions and opened up that door for those along the way. Just by example. It takes time. In mean time. Enjoy what you have.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 03:57 Post subject: |
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He doesn't have to withold who he is because others need time to accept it, and to acknowledge that his sexual preferences are nobody's else concern.
Acceptance comes from a position of pityful complacency, they aren't required to accept, if they place themselves in such position, they aren't family, but rather judges of matters outside their own respect. His family needs solely to acknowledge, and nothing else.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 04:00 Post subject: |
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| Nhiumewyn wrote: | | Stormwolf wrote: | | Yes, so much is true, yet you can't just magic away any emotional bond you have with your family because of some disagreement. |
No matter what, the lowering of interactions with such persons, is always the better approach for psychological and emotional balance. |
That would depend on who you are, and how you deal with emotional stimuli.
Ryzen 5 5600, ASUS ROG STRIX B550-F GAMING WIFI II, Corsair Vengeance RGB RT 32GB 3600MHz C16, MSI RTX 5070 Ti Ventus 3X OC , Corsair RMx Series RM750x. AOC AGON AG324UX - 4K 144Hz 1ms
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 08:33 Post subject: |
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We have already agreed Ron, that we do not have the same view when it comes to emotions 
I respect my family for all they have provided. Trust me, my life wasn't easy. From having to move out of my home town during the war, all the illness, managing borderline poverty... But they have managed to get us through it. And for that I'll always be grateful.
And to some extent, their opinion matters. Even tho I feel moving away from them, because of how they are treating me.
For now, I am where I am, having to wait until I can stand on my own feet. When that time comes, trust me, I'll get the hell away, for my own sanity...
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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Frant
King's Bounty
Posts: 24656
Location: Your Mom
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 08:42 Post subject: |
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This isn't really a logic problem, it's an issue grounded in society, prejudice, culture and the differences between people.
Ron, it's not possible for everyone to just throw it all away (parents, family, friends, history and everything that made you into who you are) and start anew in a new city/country and go all solo again and become like you. Most people simply don't want to.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
"The sky was the color of a TV tuned to a dead station" - Neuromancer
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 09:16 Post subject: |
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| Frant wrote: | This isn't really a logic problem, it's an issue grounded in society, prejudice, culture and the differences between people.
Ron, it's not possible for everyone to just throw it all away (parents, family, friends, history and everything that made you into who you are) and start anew in a new city/country and go all solo again and become like you. Most people simply don't want to. |
I understand what you're attempting to infer, but I will have to disagree, everything is a logical problem, even if we lack the proper tools to describe all factors of a specific system.
The human brain is as part of nature as anything else, and regardless of complexity, it can still be described as a logical set.
Regarding dingo's post, no, we do not attribute the same value to emotion, but that is to be expected considering that value is a subjective attribution.
Still, I stand but I said earlier, your situation with your family is a form of emotional abuse, and situations of abuse are always better solved through distancing yourselves from one another, at the very least, for a limited amount of time, until psychological balance can be restored.
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Frant
King's Bounty
Posts: 24656
Location: Your Mom
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 09:25 Post subject: |
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| Nhiumewyn wrote: | | at the very least, for a limited amount of time, until psychological balance can be restored. |
Now THAT I agree with.
Dingo, can you find some temporary place to live where you can focus on your own life and school? That may also send a signal to your mother and sister that they may lose you forever if they keep their prejudice towards you.
Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn!
"The sky was the color of a TV tuned to a dead station" - Neuromancer
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 09:54 Post subject: |
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| Frant wrote: | | Nhiumewyn wrote: | | at the very least, for a limited amount of time, until psychological balance can be restored. |
Now THAT I agree with.
Dingo, can you find some temporary place to live where you can focus on your own life and school? That may also send a signal to your mother and sister that they may lose you forever if they keep their prejudice towards you. |
I'm afraid not, as I do not have enough financial means to live by myself
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 11:02 Post subject: |
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What was that? ^^ a commercial
break?
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 11:54 Post subject: |
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Dunno but everytime I think the world is shit for me I go take a look at the starving bone poking through skin kids on youtube. It kind of wakes you up a bit.. You will be surprised no matter what one would want to whine about, there is someone a damn site more worse off than you think onself is.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 12:04 Post subject: |
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Yeah, but the fact that there are starving kids in Africa won't make me feel any better, the notion that there are ppl who have it worse than me, helps me in no way. My problems are still here, and they are something I need to face every day...
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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DXWarlock
VIP Member
Posts: 11519
Location: Florida, USA
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 12:07 Post subject: Re: I feel sad... |
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You could be living in a 3rd world country where walking 5 miles to get water by foot(the only way) safely without being eaten or shot is considered a blessing.
I'm not downplaying your situation. Just stating that when stepping back and comparing it to what others are going thru, a bit of "I'm in a lull at the moment, and disagree with my family, this sucks" doesn't seem so bad.
Just realize that it seems a major issue, because it encompasses everything you focus on. But just because what you focus on is bad, doesn't mean its bad per say..its just not how you wish it to be.
There is a big difference between life 'sucking' and "life not being how I wish".
The difference is accepting what you cant change, dealing with what you can change, and looking forward to that which will be changeable in the future.
For the family situation, Me personally..is why I MUCH prefer friends over family.
Friends have to show they are worth keeping around as a friend..Family is still 'related to you' no matter how they treat you.
I will dismiss a family member as 'a write off' FASTER than a friend...because family seems to have this idea that since they share a line of ancestors with you, that they get the benefit of the doubt when it comes to them being asshats, as if it grants a free 'get a second chance card' to be around without actually redeeming themselves to do it...
I judge them all the same. Friend or family, you show no reason for me to keep you around as someone I associate with because you make my life HARDER with you in it, I will move on and live MY life, not the one you deem you want to see me live.
If I was gay, and my mom decided that she didnt like that idea, or me having a boyfriend..thats HER problem.
Id tell her I appreciate all she did for me, and love her with all my heart. But at this point in my life shes hindering me because of her own issues, and I fear me must part ways until she can accept what I want..I will be out there waiting, and if shes not in my life after that point, its no fault of mine, its her own doing by refusing to accept me as me, so she can be there to be part of my life.
Her being the one that brought me into the world and gave me life, gives her no rights to make it harder for me because she doesn't like my lifestyle.
-We don't control what happens to us in life, but we control how we respond to what happens in life.
-Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times. -G. Michael Hopf
Disclaimer: Post made by me are of my own creation. A delusional mind relayed in text form.
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| Posted: Mon, 19th Nov 2012 12:20 Post subject: |
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Why are people always spewing the same fucking bullshit? "stop whining, there are people in the world with a worse life than you?" So what?
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