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doobzilla
Posts: 1099
Location: Team America's Mount Rushmore Base. Stolen from Indians.
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HubU
VIP Member
Posts: 11366
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 Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 04:58 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 07:12 Post subject: |
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Sorry, The problem is with you. You are indulging a ding-bat. You are mad because you got taken advantage of. Stop buying shit for people who don't deserve it. Not caving into pressure is the hard stuff, it makes you a better person when it's something you know is right.
Don't let your family take you hostage with emotional blackmail.
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sausje
Banned
Posts: 17716
Location: Limboland, Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 10:50 Post subject: |
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Well that's the problem, because it's my family, i feel obligated to help them in any way i can.
I have the same with close friends, because they are my friends, i feel obligated to put their life before mine..
I know it's wrong, and i keep telling myself that i shouldn't be so kind, but somehow i keep doing the same mistakes 
Now again, because of this whole thing, i barely had any sleep. The whole thing just kept going thru my head and making me doubt my decision.. 
Proud member of Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S)
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TheSaint
Dalai Lama
Posts: 6586
Location: Cook Islands
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:02 Post subject: |
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Dude, I know it might feel like a huge deal to you. But to be quite honest, try to 'relativeren' it. You shoulndt lose sleep over such a small thing, there are far worst things that could happen. She will appreciate the phone, but perhaps she has problems in telling you it.
You were correct for telling her to handle it with care, she is just a 'puber' and that its.
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couleur
[Moderator] Janitor
Posts: 14392
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sausje
Banned
Posts: 17716
Location: Limboland, Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:13 Post subject: |
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Well the thing is that she fucks up alot in life, she has the same condition as me (the ADHD, donno about the autism actually), yet opposide from what my mom did with me, she protects and defends her with everything she does.. Even when it's bad..
Worst part is that mom knows shes wrong in doing so, i can sense that in her behaviour at that moment, yet she doesn't want to admit..
The reason behind it is for me kinda obvious, atleast it's the only logical.
Mom punished me for everything wrong i did, severe punishments all the time for little shitty things.
Well i turned out to be a complete mess with no sight for a proper future for the past 10 years.
So she might thinks that she did wrong in the way she raised me (altho, i was away from home for almost 6 years during my youth), so she's trying the opposite now (actually, she does the same with my other 2 sisters, they get protected with everything and decision they make aswell), while she still severly punishes me for everything i do these days..
I know the following is going to sound really fucked up, but in the past 10 years, i have thought of many ways to brutally murder my family and to get away with it.. THAT'S how much hate they have caused with their behaviour to exclude me.
Yet stupid me just keeps smiling and giving them things. (3 years back, i gave them my 360 for x-mass, never even got a thanks for that and the thing is rotting away now, barely being used at all..)
Proud member of Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S)
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ClaudeFTW
Posts: 5074
Location: Bucharest, Romania
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:42 Post subject: |
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Sorry to hear that mate, I'm kind of in the same spot. I'm the black sheep of the family, never been as great as my sister (she sucked pole to get where she is anyway), but I took life in my own hands and even tho I live with my parents, I pay all my dues and so on. I'm planning on buying an apartment, actually, but that'll prove quite difficult, I need about two times the amount of money I have now. Once I do that I will cut off all my connections with them, I can barely go home anymore, my dad is always all up in my shit and the fact that he never allows me half hour when I get home to get out of "work mode" and asks me all kind of stupid questions about stuff I have already seen which he knows I've seen (I can understand him wanting to talk to me, but it's a little late, considering all of the mental abuse I was submitted to when I was little and after I told them I was an atheist, or whenever I brought a girl home which didn't fit their image of how the perfect girl for me should be). I feel ya, bro, but there's little to nothing that I can do to help you except tell you to stop trying to impress them, they already made up their mind, and that I can totally relate to your situation.
R7 2700x @4GHz / MSI B450 Tomahawk / beQuiet! Dark Rock 4 / 32GB @3000 MHz / MSI RTX 2060 Gaming Z / Samsung 850 EVO 250GB / Western Digital 1TB / Fractal Design Meshify C Dark / SuperFlower Leadex Gold 650W / DELL whatever 27 inch IPS
I usually stream stuff: http://www.twitch.tv/claudeftw
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tonizito
VIP Member
Posts: 51464
Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:48 Post subject: |
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Damn saus 
I'd say that you should stop with the smiling and the giving stuff away and tell your mom (your sister(s?) are probably too young to understand) how you really feel.
And also try to understand how does she feel about it too.
Don't bottle down that hate, man
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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sausje
Banned
Posts: 17716
Location: Limboland, Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:48 Post subject: |
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@ClaudeFTW
Ah, living at home makes it even harder. I'm lucky enough to live on my own since i was 18, but i still can't get rid of her, shes still trying to control every move i make.
Best thing to do is to move FAR away, change name and never contact them again. Atleast that's my plan once i have the money for it..
@tonizito
I have tried to talk to them about the situation, but my mom NEVER takes me serious...
Last winter for example, i had some serious depression moments there and had serious thought about suicide. So i went to her, tried to explain it and all i got was a stupid laugh and a "want me to help you with your suicide?" comment..
Talking to them is like talking to a brick wall, it's always been like that. And not only with my mom, but uncles, aunts, grandfather and mother and so on, my WHOLE family has always been self centered idiots that care about nothing but their own well being..
I have been the only one that hasn't done that and actually says what's on my mind, how i really think about them, against them... They didn't like that at all, but don't give a shit at all and continue to do so as they please..
Proud member of Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S)
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ClaudeFTW
Posts: 5074
Location: Bucharest, Romania
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:55 Post subject: |
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| sausje wrote: | @ClaudeFTW
Ah, living at home makes it even harder. I'm lucky enough to live on my own since i was 18, but i still can't get rid of her, shes still trying to control every move i make.
Best thing to do is to move FAR away, change name and never contact them again. Atleast that's my plan once i have the money for it..
@tonizito
I have tried to talk to them about the situation, but my mom NEVER takes me serious...
Last winter for example, i had some serious depression moments there and had serious thought about suicide. So i went to her, tried to explain it and all i got was a stupid laugh and a "want me to help you with your suicide?" comment..
Talking to them is like talking to a brick wall, it's always been like that. And not only with my mom, but uncles, aunts, grandfather and mother and so on, my WHOLE family has always been self centered idiots that care about nothing but their own well being..
I have been the only one that hasn't done that and actually says what's on my mind, how i really think about them, against them... They didn't like that at all, but don't give a shit at all and continue to do so as they please.. |
Kind of hard to move out by myself, since the money is shit and I would need to kiss ass to move forward (which I won't do). But all those money are piling up pretty well and I should be able to get rid of my family in two-three years tops. Until then, though, it's hell. At the very least, I have someone with whom I can talk about this stuff so it doesn't pile up. Have you tried doing this? With someone in person, I mean, it's kind of tricky on a forum.
R7 2700x @4GHz / MSI B450 Tomahawk / beQuiet! Dark Rock 4 / 32GB @3000 MHz / MSI RTX 2060 Gaming Z / Samsung 850 EVO 250GB / Western Digital 1TB / Fractal Design Meshify C Dark / SuperFlower Leadex Gold 650W / DELL whatever 27 inch IPS
I usually stream stuff: http://www.twitch.tv/claudeftw |
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tonizito
VIP Member
Posts: 51464
Location: Portugal, the shithole of Europe.
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 11:59 Post subject: |
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| sausje wrote: | @tonizito
I have tried to talk to them about the situation, but my mom NEVER takes me serious...
Last winter for example, i had some serious depression moments there and had serious thought about suicide. So i went to her, tried to explain it and all i got was a stupid laugh and a "want me to help you with your suicide?" comment..
Talking to them is like talking to a brick wall, it's always been like that. And not only with my mom, but uncles, aunts, grandfather and mother and so on, my WHOLE family has always been self centered idiots that care about nothing but their own well being..
I have been the only one that hasn't done that and actually says what's on my mind, how i really think about them, against them... They didn't like that at all, but don't give a shit at all and continue to do so as they please.. |
If it's a lost cause then stop pretending around them and wasting money and time with them.
Oh and what claude said, find someone to talk to.
| boundle (thoughts on cracking AITD) wrote: | | i guess thouth if without a legit key the installation was rolling back we are all fucking then |
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sausje
Banned
Posts: 17716
Location: Limboland, Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 12:01 Post subject: |
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Well my close friends know how my family is, but there is nothing they can do about it, so i'm not putting my burden anymore on them.
But for now it's fine, i just keep pushing the anger away and put my smile back on.. there is nothing i can do about it anyway other then to hope that my mom, and the rest of the family, dies soon.
But don't think that's going to happen, my family are like fucking roaches.. All of them get between 85-95 of age before they died
Proud member of Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S)
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ClaudeFTW
Posts: 5074
Location: Bucharest, Romania
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 12:29 Post subject: |
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| sausje wrote: | | i just keep pushing the anger away and put my smile back on.. |
This is the healthiest way of dealing with this type of persons, but beware of bottling these feelings up. And by someone I meant a significant other, it helped me A LOT.
R7 2700x @4GHz / MSI B450 Tomahawk / beQuiet! Dark Rock 4 / 32GB @3000 MHz / MSI RTX 2060 Gaming Z / Samsung 850 EVO 250GB / Western Digital 1TB / Fractal Design Meshify C Dark / SuperFlower Leadex Gold 650W / DELL whatever 27 inch IPS
I usually stream stuff: http://www.twitch.tv/claudeftw |
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sausje
Banned
Posts: 17716
Location: Limboland, Netherlands
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 12:45 Post subject: |
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Nah, i'm by far not ready to get into a relationship.
I would be doing no good to the other person with the current state of my life, so to prevent me from hurting someone i would love, i'm better off not having anyone like that in my life atm..
Proud member of Frustrated Association of International Losers Failing Against the Gifted and Superior (F.A.I.L.F.A.G.S)
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ClaudeFTW
Posts: 5074
Location: Bucharest, Romania
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 14:09 Post subject: |
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I wish you the best of luck then, just know that we, or at least, I, will always be here to relate and help you cope with the awful people in your life. I know all too well how it is.
R7 2700x @4GHz / MSI B450 Tomahawk / beQuiet! Dark Rock 4 / 32GB @3000 MHz / MSI RTX 2060 Gaming Z / Samsung 850 EVO 250GB / Western Digital 1TB / Fractal Design Meshify C Dark / SuperFlower Leadex Gold 650W / DELL whatever 27 inch IPS
I usually stream stuff: http://www.twitch.tv/claudeftw
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 14:27 Post subject: |
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Morphineus
VIP Member
Posts: 24883
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 14:35 Post subject: |
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Actually saus the sooner you'll realise none of all the crap matters the better of you are.
Don't use it all as excuses why your life is "crap". You are the only one that can make a change. And talking yourself down or dealing with it by saying it's all this or that fault is not helping you get out of your situation.
ADHD is bull, every autist gets to hear he has that. I myself got told in my childhood I got it. I got Autism, not severe but enough to influence my behaviour with others. So I never tell people around me since the only type they know is a severe variant of it. (which some of my family has)
Some stuff I recognize from you, since I didn't had the diploma's to show for, the government instances and interims were always giving me shit for me wanting to work in the IT sector. Since my 6 years it was always a passion. Instead of getting knocked down all the time, I kept pushing and pushing. In the end I won, had jobs as Network engineer, System Admin, Database Design... Getting MS, Cisco en other Cert's payed by work. But I also worked the crap jobs once in a while just to get them of my back. I hate factory work, really I'm not suited for it and I'm jealous on the people that can actually withstand it. Try other stuff as well since the past 3 years I haven't even done anything IT related for a job. And I found other things I really enjoyed.
It's just that sometimes you make me pissed when you bring up excuses, I'm not doing this to piss you off either. I just want you to finally pick up yourself and drop all the negativity that you don't even need instead of embracing them to use as an excuse.
I have had friends who had it WAAAAY worse then you, some failed and blamed everything and everyone for their misfortune. The ones that made it... They knew no one would do it for them and they had to act on themselves.
And please for the love of god, if you are serious about your feelings go get professional help if not than well they aren't serious and it's just a cry for help.
And no it won't got easy, and you might not even get chances. But don't let that make you stop trying.
Yeh I bit my tongue on quite some posts of you, just pick yourself up man.
I might regret writing this tho, sometimes it's better to just shut it 
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doobzilla
Posts: 1099
Location: Team America's Mount Rushmore Base. Stolen from Indians.
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 15:41 Post subject: |
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In all honesty, you really should work on setting healthy boundaries for yourself.
A few years ago, I had some pretty big health problems and, when I asked for help from my friends and g/f they all pretty much treated me like I had nothing wrong. Once I was on the mend, I sought out some counseling and started setting boundaries (I don't always answer the phone when they call, I tell them no, more than I tell them yes, I ask them for help when I need it, etc.).
When I first started setting boundaries, a lot of the people that I knew abandoned me as they weren't getting what they wanted from me anymore (usually just my old gadgets, computer parts, help fixing their electronics, computers, and musical equipment/instruments). It was really hard for a while seeing how many people that were in my life only for material things. But, once I got past that hump, I found a few people that are really my friends. They are always willing to lend an ear (which I take caution not to abuse), they are always up for hanging out (which I tend to not ask but maybe once a month as they have their own lives), etc.
Now that I'm beginning to have more health problems, I'm not as worried as I was before since I know that I have a good group of people that will be willing to help me through anything.
And, to think, it was all made possible by just telling some people no. Not fuck no, not fuck off, not go to hell. Just, plain, no.
Just be prepared for the people that take advantage of your kindness to treat you like complete shit until they realize that they are wasting their time. Also keep in mind that they are most likely not doing any of this with any malevolence, they are just doing what they know to do to get what they want.
I wish you good luck.
Hobo Zombie: TRAAAAAAAIIIINNNNNNSSSSSS
Woman Zombie: COMPLAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNSSSSS
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Thanks for the idea Lutz!
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 16:50 Post subject: |
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Yepp, if people can't appreciate you, even family members, you have to stand up, for yourself.
A fun experiment to do, with friends, is to stop calling for a while, and see who actually calls YOU...  Family members, well, close the door and see who opens it.. hehe.
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Ankh
Posts: 23359
Location: Trelleborg
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 20:57 Post subject: |
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It really hard and I have been some place similar to where you are now with your family. It caused a great deal of depression in my life because I felt so helpless and so responsible for all the shit that when down, even tho it wasn't my fault. Throw my dads bad violent temper into the mix and I didn't know up from down,
The way I look at it today is I can't afford the luxury for holding resentments or depression. When I'm not sleeping I write down everything, go back and start circling the fear and sorta catagories it. Fear of not being loved, or not accepted, fear of pain, fear of someone elses anger, or fear of conflict. Then I look at what I did, my part. Today I am not fucking responsible for what someone else does.....
Wish you the best of luck.
Saint might be right too. Your little sister might be incapable right now of expressing her appreciation of you. You never know whats going on inside someone unless you walk in their shoes.
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| Posted: Wed, 13th Mar 2013 22:20 Post subject: |
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Wtf.... I wouldnt get her second phone in first place.
3080 | ps5 pro
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