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Ankh
Posts: 23356
Location: Trelleborg
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 Posted: Mon, 7th Oct 2013 16:08 Post subject: joke. Nothing more than a small joke :) |
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A man with no arms & legs is lying on a beach sunbathing when three gorgeous girls come over to him, the first girl takes pity on him and asks if he has ever been hugged"no" replies the sad looking man so she gives him a hug, the second girl asks" have you ever been kissed"? "No" replies the smiling man so she gives him a big kiss, the last girl asks the man "have you ever been fucked" his face lights up " no never" to which the girl replies "you are now the tides coming in"
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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Nalo
nothing
Posts: 13525
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Oct 2013 16:29 Post subject: |
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Last edited by Nalo on Wed, 3rd Jul 2024 06:24; edited 2 times in total
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Ankh
Posts: 23356
Location: Trelleborg
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Oct 2013 16:30 Post subject: |
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"You seem troubled," the Barman asked as he poured me another drink, "What's up?"
"It's my wife," I confessed, "She's gone right off sex since our son died."
"Sorry to hear that," he replied, "When did he pass away?"
"Last night."
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Oct 2013 16:37 Post subject: |
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What is green and wet and smells like bacon?
 Spoiler: | Kermit the frog's finger. |
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Ankh
Posts: 23356
Location: Trelleborg
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Oct 2013 16:40 Post subject: |
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| The_Zeel wrote: | What is green and wet and smells like bacon?
| Spoiler: | Kermit the frog's finger. |
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Classic 
shitloads of new stuff in my pc. Cant keep track of it all.
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Saner
Posts: 6877
Location: Uk
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| Posted: Mon, 7th Oct 2013 16:41 Post subject: |
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Fuck me the Kermit jokes so old I can remember hearing that one when I was in school!
When I was a teenager my mum always used to say that my room was so messy that i'd never get any 'self respecting girl' to go in there.
Luckily those weren't the girls I was after.
| ragnarus wrote: |
I saw things like that in here and in other "woman problems" topics so...... Am I the only one that thinks some authorities needs to be alerted about Saner and him possibly being a rapist and/or kidnapper ? |
Saner is not being serious. Unless its the subject of Santa!
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Oct 2013 20:00 Post subject: |
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A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, "I'm sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away." The distressed woman wailed, "Are you sure?" "Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead," replied the vet.. "How can you be so sure?" she protested. "I mean you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something." The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat. The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck." The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman.. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "$150!" she cried, "$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!" The vet shrugged, "I'm sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it's now $150."
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| Posted: Fri, 11th Oct 2013 21:53 Post subject: |
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 good ones xD
"Quantum mechanics is actually, contrary to it's reputation, unbeliveably simple, once you take the physics out."
Scott Aaronson | chiv wrote: | | thats true you know. newton didnt discover gravity. the apple told him about it, and then he killed it. the core was never found. |
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