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 Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 19:05 Post subject: depressed |
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I am depressed. Like really depressed. To the point that I am noticing that I think of suicide/why am I even alive more and more. Everything feels pointless.
There are many reasons why it has come this far, and I can't even be bothered to type all that shit.
Also going to a specialist (a shrink if you can call it like that) to talk with but it doesn't seem to help, only seems to get worse.
Days go by and I don't even know what my goals are any more, trying to avoid people and social life more and more.
No clue why I am even posting it on this forums, perhaps cause I feel ashamed and I don't show my problems to my friends and family. Just walking around with a 'mask' like everything is okay.
Well that was about it, just typing this makes me want to cry. It's all bottled up.
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 19:11 Post subject: |
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Don't underestimate the ability to share this stuff "anonymously" online with people that you atleast half know. Even though I have met less than a hand full of people from here, I feel closer to some people on this board than friends that I have known for almost 30 years... Feel free to vent. I tried doing it on reddit but as those people are complete strangers, you get standard answers but real life problems consist of much more than standard stories and standard circumstances. Over time you might find what you need.
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Morphineus
VIP Member
Posts: 24883
Location: Sweden
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 19:16 Post subject: |
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Don't feel ashamed, most people go through times like that. Thinking about suicide is quite normal, I'd find it strange if people went through their whole life without having thoughts or questions about such things.
What I usually try to remember when I'm in a dark mood is: it's just a moment in time that will pass. Situations will change. I can tell you to not bottle it up and talk to others... but I'm the same on that part. I usually just isolate myself even more, which makes it all take longer than it should.
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 19:33 Post subject: |
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Ohhh the things ive shared here and in my old home forum, take a time to vent, opinions are varied and life isnt a fixed plan, its full of ups and SO MANY FUCKING DOWNS. But its worth it, ive been depressed i think, ive felt totally fucking worthless and unmotivated, but i found small things, i remained and suicide was just an Off button to this machine, i prefered to see whats next, to try things out, to fix or ignore the bad ones.
Hope you can find an easier path and enjoy this life, we got one and afterwards theres nothing i think, so why not explore it. There are many options to take, dont take the game over.
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 20:13 Post subject: |
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I'd advise opening up to your family, though I can't know your family situation obviously. The only true cure for depression is spending time and energy with people around you. If you turtle into your shell, you'll go into a vicious cycle which'll make things worse.
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 21:57 Post subject: |
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We're all fucked up, I just did the Anxiety Disorder test online and my score is very high  
But at least I know what's wrong and that's the first step so now I can correct it. And so can you.
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 22:01 Post subject: |
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Thanks for the replies.
Even though I don't know you people, reading your tips and respect is nice and it gave me tears.
(guess it just is all too much to keep it inside, every little thing makes me emotional atm).
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| Posted: Thu, 25th Aug 2016 22:53 Post subject: |
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| Toxikbrain wrote: | Thanks for the replies.
Even though I don't know you people, reading your tips and respect is nice and it gave me tears.
(guess it just is all too much to keep it inside, every little thing makes me emotional atm). |
I understand that feeling all too well. A bit offtopic maybe but it helped me to realize that there is no "normal" in anything and that people judge too fast because they lack empathy and experience. Or quite the opposite, that they think they are very empathic but only report from their own pov without even taking different perspectives into account. |
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ragnarus
Posts: 686
Location: Somewhere in Warsaw Pact
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| Posted: Fri, 26th Aug 2016 08:42 Post subject: ... |
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Toxikbrain I hope with time everything will get sorted out. The truth is we all have this kind of moments, some more severe some less, opening up to people you trust is in my opinion one of the best things, I am rather closed person and have really hard time sharing my feelings with others, even people I trust but it can be done, I hope you people around you that you can try talking to.
Btw. This forum is one of the strangest place in the internet I have found, on one side people insult each other or stuff like that but when you come to bitching session and read topics you often see that when shit gets real humpers know that theres actual people on the other side of the screen and give their best to advice and help. Opening up over internet for most of my life seemed pointless but as this forum proves its not, it also can help and be at least starting point to take steps in "real life" .
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Invasor
Moderator
Posts: 7638
Location: On the road
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| Posted: Fri, 26th Aug 2016 16:02 Post subject: |
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Life is depressive. Very depressive. You can still enjoy it though, but you need to focus on what you like, and find new things to like.
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Danyutz
Posts: 4418
Location: Redplanet
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| Posted: Fri, 26th Aug 2016 16:53 Post subject: |
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Nothing to be ashamed of, I think it would be far worse if you wouldn't share.
Have you tried remembering what things made you happy before entering the stage you are atm? Even the small things.
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| Posted: Fri, 26th Aug 2016 18:45 Post subject: |
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Don't ever be ashamed. Why would you? Because of some society defined what is normal? Not everyone is alike. People are different and their feeleings and emotions are different.
The main problem in society is lack of communication. You've already taken the first step - you told somenthing here. Just keep going, talk some more or try to share this with someone irl.
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Danyutz
Posts: 4418
Location: Redplanet
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| Posted: Fri, 26th Aug 2016 19:55 Post subject: |
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Going back to work is good and the fact that it's keeping you busy. Do you interact with work colleagues, have anything in common with them? Maybe do some activities with one or two.
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| Posted: Fri, 26th Aug 2016 23:37 Post subject: |
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The worst thing about depression is how it makes you feel certain that it won't be good EVER anymore.
I remember laying on the floor, crying, having a panic attack. The weather was sunny, hot, beautiful, but everything was black and shitty for me. I remember that I was certain that it'll never be good again. Today I see it silly as I'm healthy back again.
What can you do? Fuck the "do some exercise!!", how are you going to do exercise if you don't even give a shit if you live.
What I did:
1. Work - it's one thing stronger than depression. You have to do it, otherwise you're really fucked. It takes your mind of everything.
2. Drink a lot of St John's wort tea. It's very tasty and treat it as a fucking potion of strength, just imagine how it makes you better. Read a lot of it's effects on the internet - it's not bullshit.
3. Cry a lot. I can't explain it now, I think it helped me.
^ these are the two I did and it made me feel better in 2 weeks.
My girlfriend also helped me a lot, I felt very good with her, but very bad when she left.
Maybe consider getting a pet if you don't have one and if you like animals ?
This is all I got for now. Feel better soon!
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ixigia
[Moderator] Consigliere
Posts: 65081
Location: Italy
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Aug 2016 02:20 Post subject: |
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You did the right thing Toxikbrain, from how I see it opening up is the first step to recovery. It takes patience and it's a slow process but like all the positive things, the result is worth it. Don't give up, ever, even if life is complete crap at times and damn, it can be such a reckless infuriating mess, being alive and fighting always beats the alternative. Screw that really 
..well unless one gets reincarnated as a 22 year old Rocco, in that case it would be somewhat intriguing to explore such scenario.
Try to set yourself objectives, do your best to appreciate the little things, experience new ones and hobbies, traveling could help a lot also although it requires the proper mindset. I'm being a clichè, but you get what I mean xD
*sends a collective Hump hug*
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Aug 2016 10:05 Post subject: |
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Ive been thinking of leaving the country for like 20+ days to travel to china.
Leaving all this shit behind and go to the country I wanted to see since I was very young.
Not sure if this is what I need but this is what my mind is telling me more and more.
But then I fear I lose my job or fuck up my study. But this is what I would actually like to do.
On my own, no one else I know around me.
Need to get away from this routine lifestyle of being depressed and staring at the walls wondering why I am even alive.
Maybe it gives me the courage to actually make choises in my life that are for me. Instead of putting others on the first place and forgetting about myself.
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Invasor
Moderator
Posts: 7638
Location: On the road
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Aug 2016 14:42 Post subject: |
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Travelling abroad is always a good idea IMO. It will change you at least a little bit.
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Aug 2016 14:48 Post subject: |
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Why not start with some antidepressant drug?
Formerly known as iconized
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| Posted: Sat, 27th Aug 2016 16:59 Post subject: |
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| TSR69 wrote: | | Why not start with some antidepressant drug? |
I really prefer not to after hearing some stories from friends that used it years ago.
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| Posted: Wed, 31st Aug 2016 18:48 Post subject: |
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| Toxikbrain wrote: | | TSR69 wrote: | | Why not start with some antidepressant drug? |
I really prefer not to after hearing some stories from friends that used it years ago. |
You will get better eventually and it's better to know that it was you that beat it and not some pills messing with your brain's chemicals.
Then you will be able to say "Toxikbrain STRONK!"
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| Posted: Thu, 1st Sep 2016 17:00 Post subject: |
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there is 7 billion people, chances someones brain/body does not produce enough or to many kinds of chemicals are high, some of this stuff can work, its just a russian roulette to find the right stuff that works for u
just ask someone to monitor your behaviour after u start taking certain meds, so u know which one work for u and which dont. But ye the amount of people taking meds and the money being made on their backs is way off the scale of what is mathematicly possible, too many people dont need it and get fucked up, and too many people smoking weed thinking it helps when in fact its causing their anxiety and panic attacks ...
hell even ask to have some placebos added in your try outs. Positive thinking is so powerfull , it can perform real miracles . Cut off any toxic, negative people in your life.
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Stige
Posts: 3544
Location: Finland
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| Posted: Thu, 1st Sep 2016 17:28 Post subject: |
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I was there at some point too but venting it off on the forums did help it I like to think, got support and maybe some sensible advice even.
I also opted to stay off any sort of medication because I have seen how a person becomes just a lifeless being after they are on depression medication.
I can say with confidence that it will get better eventually, atleast it did for me, even though I didn't believe it could anymore. Now with a wife and a few weeks old child and happier than ever.
Would be nice if you can elaborate more on the matter, the reasons etc as I did, might help people see the situation more.
This forum is just too awesome when it comes to helping people and taking them seriously instead of trolling threads like this one.
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| Posted: Thu, 1st Sep 2016 19:58 Post subject: |
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Well my medication for now is arranging my trip to china for a month.
All I need is for my School/work to agree with it (my shrink is actually gonna write a letter for them).
And if it works out I might go in october, have some alone time, clear my head. Start fresh.
This gives me a lot of motivation already.
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Sep 2016 04:29 Post subject: |
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keep ya head up, try to enjoy a few good beers or anything else that makes you happy in moderation
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Sep 2016 11:49 Post subject: |
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If there is still something left that you enjoy doing, try to focus on that for a while.
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TSR69
Banned
Posts: 14962
Location: Republic of the Seven United Provinces
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| Posted: Fri, 2nd Sep 2016 15:24 Post subject: |
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| Toxikbrain wrote: | Well my medication for now is arranging my trip to china for a month.
All I need is for my School/work to agree with it (my shrink is actually gonna write a letter for them).
And if it works out I might go in october, have some alone time, clear my head. Start fresh.
This gives me a lot of motivation already. |
That sounds nice.
Something really to look forward to.
Chinese chickens, Chinese chickens...
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| Posted: Mon, 5th Sep 2016 17:47 Post subject: |
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china seems like the worst place to go , people there dont give a shit and your faith in humanity will crashdive.
Unless you are blond then all the people will want to take pictures of u
play some world of warcraft on a pve server, does wonders to clear the mind and notice a whole evening passed so smoothly
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