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 Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 03:16 Post subject: My poem |
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Blood
so red, so cold, so alive
so beautiful, so divine
Dripping from my wound
drip, drip.
I feel the gash burn
As hot as a volcano
I wipe the blood onto the glass
Leaving the imprint of my hand
I stare solemnly,
What a beautiful sight.
It’s as if one hundred demons have cried
And all that is left are tears
Blood
So red, so cold, so alive
So beautiful, so divine
tell me what you guys think. Changes/ additions. anything.
Thanks.
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sTo0z
[Moderator] Babysitter
Posts: 7449
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 03:35 Post subject: |
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I honestly can't give a decent opinion because I have an unhealthy obsession with rhyming.
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 03:42 Post subject: |
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Poems don't have to rhyme they just have to have meanings. Ignore the rhyming and focus on the mood and the tone. Tell me how it makes you feel and what you like / don't like about it.
This might not have a dramatic effect on you but the words are quite powerful to me.
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 03:48 Post subject: |
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You like to cut yourself or something?
LOL, and you say you're not emo...
"Techniclly speaking, Beta-Manboi didnt inject Burberry_Massi with Benz, he injected him with liquid that had air bubbles in it, which caused benz." - House M.D
"Faith without logic is the same as knowledge without understanding; meaningless"
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 03:56 Post subject: |
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Typical response, I knew I could rely on you saying i'm emo 
How the fuck would you deal if the love of your life just got up and left because the bitch didn't see any future with you?
also this in no way makes or confirms me as being emo at all. It's just that recently it's the only way i've been able to express myself fully 
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 04:02 Post subject: |
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 04:44 Post subject: |
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| Sublime wrote: | Typical response, I knew I could rely on you saying i'm emo
How the fuck would you deal if the love of your life just got up and left because the bitch didn't see any future with you?
also this in no way makes or confirms me as being emo at all. It's just that recently it's the only way i've been able to express myself fully |
Ah, well, it makes sense in that context. I dont think AM knew that dude.
Sucks to hear tho. What can I say man? U know what I think already. Women are fucked, straight up. |
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 05:08 Post subject: |
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Thanks. I'm really hurting right now so it's good to know others know my pain too.
I guess it was stupid of me to think otherwise of this forum but life really does suck at the moment and I don't see where I go from here 
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 05:15 Post subject: |
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| Sublime wrote: | Thanks. I'm really hurting right now so it's good to know others know my pain too.
I guess it was stupid of me to think otherwise of this forum but life really does suck at the moment and I don't see where I go from here |
Well, thats up to you dude. Obviously, your going to be sad for a while but that will go away with time and thought. Ppl try to distract themselves, its better to deal with the feelings and be done with them...and Ive learned this recently. Made a few mistakes in the love life area recently too.
And remember, even tho it may not make a difference right now...there will be other women and one that will mean the most.
I think life deliberatly screws you in love a couple of times to teach you a simple lesson...dont take love (or anything really) for granted and dont think things will be the same in the morning, so to speak.
Take my history - I woke up one morning, went out and my whole life changed.
Things will get better.  |
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 08:52 Post subject: |
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I can't make a poem who doesn't ryhme =\
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Godlikez*
Banned
Posts: 2722
Location: In Your Illusions
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fisk
Posts: 9145
Location: Von Oben
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 10:21 Post subject: |
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Shit shat, hat on a cat.
Yes, yes I'm back.
Somewhat.
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[sYn]
[Moderator] Elitist
Posts: 8374
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 12:32 Post subject: |
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Sublime I know how you feel. Oh man,.... if my GF would leave me I would be devistated. I once had this summer love, which was really strong but it had to end because obviously we had our own lives in other countries. Back in those days If I had one wish the summer would never end but it did. Feels like you've been ripped apart from the one you love. I guess it's a bit different when you're GF leaves you, I'm sorry to hear that man, must be like hell. I wish you the best of luck. I know you don't wanna hear, you'll find someone better, I'm sure you think at this point that you wont ever find someone like her. But you will find someone better and the pain will go away, so stay strong man.
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TheSaint
Dalai Lama
Posts: 6586
Location: Cook Islands
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 13:05 Post subject: |
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| AnimalMother wrote: | You like to cut yourself or something?
LOL, and you say you're not emo... |
true true
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 14:09 Post subject: |
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writing poems?
on the other hand, sucks to hear man, chin up.
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_SiN_
Megatron
Posts: 12108
Location: Cybertron
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 16:55 Post subject: |
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Why is expressing your feelings "gay"?
It´s just fucking childish to come off like that.
Ok, I agree, this is not the best forum to go to, but hey, atleast we´re human..
Watercooled 5950X | AORUS Master X570 | Asus RTX 3090 TUF Gaming OC | 64Gb RAM | 1Tb 970 Evo Plus + 2Tb 660p | etc etc
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sTo0z
[Moderator] Babysitter
Posts: 7449
Location: USA
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 17:14 Post subject: |
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| fisk wrote: | | Shit shat, hat on a cat. |
See? Now this I love, a little rhyming goes a long way!
And Sublime, that's why I called it an "unhealthy obsession", meaning, I am unable to look past the rhymes. I need them or I just don't like it immediately. It's nothing personal or anything. I just need rhymes y0. |
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 21:58 Post subject: |
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Writing poems is far from gay, it's being able to express yourself, being human.
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fraich3
Posts: 2907
Location: Not from my mouth!
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fisk
Posts: 9145
Location: Von Oben
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 22:16 Post subject: |
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Gil-galad was an Elven-king,
Of him the harpers sadly sing:
The last whose realm was fair and free
Between the Mountains and the Sea.
His sword was long, his lance was keen,
His shining helm afar was seen;
The countless stars of heaven's field
Were mirrored in his silver shield.
But long ago he rode away,
And where he dwelleth none can say;
For into darkness fell his star
In Mordor where the shadows are.
Yes, yes I'm back.
Somewhat.
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 22:17 Post subject: |
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| Pizda2 wrote: | | Writing poems is far from gay |
It depends on the poem. Besides, i'm sure that if sublime had 'come out' in a poem you would have told him to burn in hell.
"Techniclly speaking, Beta-Manboi didnt inject Burberry_Massi with Benz, he injected him with liquid that had air bubbles in it, which caused benz." - House M.D
"Faith without logic is the same as knowledge without understanding; meaningless"
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 22:27 Post subject: |
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imo if you wanna express yourself you can just talk about it, tell your story and let it out.
writing a poem seems a bit pretentious, i never really take something like that serious.
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| Posted: Fri, 3rd Mar 2006 22:59 Post subject: |
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| Posted: Sat, 4th Mar 2006 02:45 Post subject: |
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Right well first of all
1. thanks for the replies they all gave me a laugh
2. Glad to see people like AM are dependable as monkey see monkey doo
3. Yes it was bullshit, here's the story.
On Irc last night, i was talking to injurious, just messing about. And I said to him I made a poem, and asked if he wanted to read it. I typed the first 2 lines and couldn't continue because I was laughing too hard. Anyway we decided that it'd be good to do an accelleron-esque moment and post this it on here . I went away for 3 minutes (literally... well just under in fact) and made that up. I tried to make it as emo as possible too but it came out pretty shit
Once syco had repied I then drove it home a bit further with my 'omg my life sucks i want to die' approach
Anyway, it's still nice to know that there are some dependable geuine guys on here (syco and sin) but it's oh so shocking that noone cried bullshit. Geez people i'm not that emo. My music style is part emo, but most of it isn't. My hair might be emo, but the rest of me - clothes, people i hang around with, personality etc. isn't. It's so surprising that there are so many short sighted people who can't look past appearances
P.S I was going to continue but i've bastardised myself too much already and I felt bad lying to the genuine guys
| talula wrote: |  pffffffffff you said gash  |
I always say gash. Too often in fact. It's something me and my m8s have started saying. like 'thats gash' or 'mcgash' etc.
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| Posted: Sat, 4th Mar 2006 04:41 Post subject: |
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O I do hope so 
And no, you're dependable because you'd automatically assume I was being an emo and not something serious. When actually told that 'my life sucks blah blah' you took a more sensitive approach because you knew you woulda got more shit off the serious one's like syco and sin
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| Posted: Sat, 4th Mar 2006 04:47 Post subject: |
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