For when they do: Growing up with my friends, and being close to my son's friends. Times don't change.
Some of my friends dipped out at 15-16, others eventually, others still cling to mom/parental circles into their 50s. Same with with sons friends, some left home early, some eventually for college, and some still hover around 'home' into their current 20's.
My thoughts on it. They let go when they let go. Nudging/hinting/resisting just makes them dig in more. You cannot change someone, they have to come to that conclusion on their own. And if you are seen as the 'contender' you being the one to try to help them makes it worse.
If they grew up thinking or self-imposing they took those roles. Its going to take a lot of unlearning to reverse what was set in early age to 'be'. My son is going through that, not the same situation, but his wife's training/grooming/looming over him to 'be' a thing. [A REAL man takes control and takes care of everything and controls all situations..IE she doesn't need to do shit.]
And for a long time of 3-4 years any input I gave was seen in a negative light because he assumed a role he didn't need to and I was trying to 'tell him what to do as an adult, as his dad'.
Not the same-same. But the self-convinced role of head mediator in all situations is the same road just different lanes.
And my input was trying to 'change' him from what he was taught/self-taught he wanted to be (in a bad way). He's just now getting over it all after more people got involved.
Usually, it takes an outside neutral influence to get then to want to change that behavior. You or your wife are 'part' of that circle. Any input is tinted by a bias filter naturally and not taken by them, as the same input you are giving.
I stopped talking to my mom as soon as I was able to stop, around 17 when I moved out. Horrible woman. I haven't talked to or seen her in...20 years (?). But like I said I got some that still go to their moms house a few times a week to 'help out' (be involved and quasi-control) being the support for their mom if she wants it or not. And its become the norm so both just fall into their respective seats as it is "just how it goes".
Growing older doesn't mean cutting your parents off or not making sure they're okay for everyone. Families are different. I am 33.5 and I still see and take care of my aging parents almost everyday and make sure they're alright. It's not weird, it's what people have been doing since the first civilization appeared.
As for dating women with kids, the "you're not my dad" attitude and lack of respect often comes with the territory so it's up to you and what you can put up with. Dating pools shrink with age so that's mostly what's available after a certain age. I myself rather stay single but this isn't about my preferences.
There are on 20 year olds on this site anymore we're all 30+. Kids these days dont even know what a Bulletin board is. they're all on tiktok and reddit.
I read your post, my point is regardless of age, most children will be a little possessive of their parents. I'm sure you had your reasons for cutting yours off but those that do not will still be around until the grim reaper appears.
If there's ways to make peace with them do it. If they're making your life worse, keep your distance.
So what I glean from that is my generation (1960's/70's) is/are a lot tougher than those born in, lets say 90's 2000.s?
I dunno about that one. We ARE older, wiser, and seasoned by age. Some more than others, but all have a curve of progress just some steeper than others.
I feel its the curve of time that makes us compare our current selves, to the current ones. And not so much comparing our past selves, to the current ones. And even doing that we put on our goggles of nostalgia and self-perception of a time before we knew better, and compare them to youth that we deem should know better despite being the age when we wasnt.
For I know at least in my experience, at that age looking back we had our share of these types too. Now that we are older, and have one in our own household it simply seem more pervasive in current culture (much like I suspect our parents did if they had one in their household then).
Elders complaining about the self-satisfying, listless, commanding, and demanding youth has been since we as people started writing about those younger than us.
Spoiler:
Quote:
"The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress."
Quote:
"I believe what really happens in history is this: the old man is always wrong; and the young people are always wrong about what is wrong with him. The practical form it takes is this: that, while the old man may stand by some stupid custom, the young man always attacks it with some theory that turns out to be equally stupid."
Quote:
'The children now love luxury; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are tyrants, not servants of the households. They no longer rise when their elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize over their teachers.'
Our parents thought they let forth this brood of self-satisfied/narcissistic/shallow/ pointless imbeciles. Their parents did. And each one considered their seasoned current self, better than the current younger ones..This is true, because of the years between to know better. Not because they are innately better
It's not anything WE did this generation of raising to cause us to think we were better than the ones after us. It's human nature to think that.
Everyone's youth was tainted by self-perception of: MY generation BEST generation.
while the ones before them scoffed at the idea because they had decades more to understand why those after them are not...yet.
One of my favorite sayings I tell my son: I have been your age, you haven't been mine.
Learn from wisdom the easy way. Or by trail the hard way. I can only give you the advice. You have to heed it. Either way in 20 years you will be telling your son the same, and he will ignore it the same.
Times are different, but people aren't.
Last edited by SumZero on Wed, 4th Dec 2024 18:37; edited 1 time in total
See I disagree with that.
If social media existed in the late 80's early 90's (my teen years) many of my high school classmates would have been just as bad, self-absorbed, attention-seeking shallow posting youth as now.
Like the joke many people say: I am glad I didn't have social media when I was a teenager. I would have some stupid shit .
They just didn't have it to use it, and not that they wouldn't have used it for teenage vapid shit. Teenage attention preening isn't a new thing.
Just now you have a window into the entire world youths of social ladder preening, vs our time when you only really saw it if you was that age, and near it.
You telling me the girls that spent 2 hours each day puffing their hair up with 2 cans of hairspray for a 80's hairstyle and 45 minutes of makeup to go to school to show it off and peacock it around, wouldn't have had an Instagram to post selfies of all the effort if they could have?
Or that faux-punk guy that spent 2 days ripping his jeans 'just right' while putting 4000 safety pins in his shirt he ripped down the sides to hold it together, and roughing up his boots wouldn't have had an Instagram account to show more people his effort, vs just the ones he could expose his 'style' to at school?
Disposable camera sales being the largest percentage to the 16-25 demographic in the early 90's wasn't pure happenstance. It was youth seeking a chance to take cheap self-absorbed pics of themselves or with friends.
There are on 20 year olds on this site anymore we're all 30+. Kids these days dont even know what a Bulletin board is. they're all on tiktok and reddit.
I read your post, my point is regardless of age, most children will be a little possessive of their parents. I'm sure you had your reasons for cutting yours off but those that do not will still be around until the grim reaper appears.
If there's ways to make peace with them do it. If they're making your life worse, keep your distance.
Eitherway All the best man.
Some things we can forgive, others we cannot - I think you understand?
My dad beat the fuck out of me, when I was 4 to maybe 10, punched my face in multiple times, I still have the scars, I can forgive that - sort of.
But what else went on, I can't - if you don't understand why I can't say it out loud, then well, you lack imagination. I can't type it or say it. Too painful
Totally understand and would do the same myself, it's a writing mistake on my part but I meant make peace with your woman's kids if possible, not your parents.
Sorry man and wish you well
Sure, but you will quickly find that your extremism makes us unable to agree what a mental patient is. So it is truly no point in doing so. Copy this quote as well, or shall I?
-Stormwolf
Signature/Avatar nuking: none (can be changed in your profile)
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
