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 Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 02:30 Post subject: Girlfriend trouble, maybe someone been in this situation |
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Everything is fine and dandy one day, and then all of a sudden the next day its like she's a whole different person. I felt it the moment I walked in the door, something was clearly wrong. She was distant, didn't like to be touched, didn't speak too much, etc.
So I confronted her about it, cuz she's of the type to let shit bottle up till it explodes and I don't like that. When she opened up it turns out she wasn't too happy about me not going to social gatherings with her(family meetings etc), and I only know her for 4 months now so meeting her family is a big step for me. Clearly she saw it different and she was having doubts about me, she told me flat out that she thought several times about breaking it off with me.
It was not only about this family meeting thing, she was also stuck up cuz I am not that much of an outgoing type(if I go out 2 days in a week then thats the max for me). She however feels the need to go out every day and I just fail to see the point in that.
I am allways superfriendly to her but isn't a relationship give and take? How can I fix this shit, cuz we talked about it properly and smoothed shit over but a part of me still feels like this shit's gonna come back to bite me in the ass.
Maybe some advice from female members here? Or guys that been in this ship before.
thnx
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 02:39 Post subject: |
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Well thats a pretty clear answer, I can work with that, thxn alot:LOL:
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 03:27 Post subject: |
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Ive been in that. But basically, I said "most of your family are cunts" and she pretty much took it on the chin. Im not the compromising type. The way I see it, if you have to make changes to yourself or your views, then that person is not right for you. The one who is right will like how you prefer nights in and the occasional night out. The right girl will not argue with you.
I know this because I spent 2 years in a relationship that in reality should have lasted 2-3 months.
I am now in a relationship with a girl I have known 5 years and she is almost a perfect copy of me except female.. shes hot, she likes art, we never fight and she loves GTA4 and sex. What more can I fucking want?! just let it go mate in my opinnion.. doesn't seem worth it.
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 03:35 Post subject: |
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Im not lying. She really is that awesome. 
 Spoiler: | [img][/img] |
It is true what they say about your perfect partner is also your best friend. There is nothing either of us wouldnt do for oneanother.
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Last edited by Cohen on Wed, 11th Jun 2008 16:01; edited 2 times in total
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 03:42 Post subject: |
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Well I'm not of the type that just goes out and meets friends(certain friends I already met though and I liked them, that don't mean I will like all of them)and family in the first few months, and I won't budge on this. Tomorrow I will confront her about it and I will just say to her that maybe its best to take some time off from seeing one another, and if after a week or two she still feels so strongly about this then its her loss. She indeed has to live with me like I am, cuz I don't see myself changing anytime soon.
She did say that she didn't break it off cuz she still liked me very much, but you know women and emotional blackmail eh. She's still hoping I will conform;)
My own mates tried it, and they all failed miserably, when I don't feel like going out a particular day then no baton is gonna get me out.
PS : cute girl interwebz!
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 03:46 Post subject: |
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The problem isn't you my friend. That is the first thing you should know. It sounds like your incompatible for each other and should part peacefully.
@ watergem
I know your not lying watergem I bet shes that perfect. To bad for that member between her legs eh?
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 04:03 Post subject: |
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| tainted4ever wrote: | Been in that ship before (about going out more often).
It sunk |
dido, thats how things were between my EXwife. it doesnt work out man. get a next girl |
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 04:17 Post subject: |
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watergem : She sounds perfect. Too perfect. *me offers watergem the blue pill*
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 04:18 Post subject: |
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Well it goes a bit deeper than this actually, me I have my friends at my fingertips, all of them are on msn(real life friends I mean, people I can actually drive my car to, people I have known for years). I have my computer, my HTPC with high end video projector, I can do so much things at home and am never bored at home, she however can't do any of that, her only escape from boredom is going out. So on that point I can understand her, if I had to sit in her apartment every day I would go bonkers myself.
Its not like we'r incompatible cuz this is actually our first argument and I get along with her great, don't really wanna lose her. I am not the one driving her away from me, she is doing this all by herself, filling her head with these ideas of how things should be and how she likes them to be 'OR ELSE'.
Sometimes I just don't understand women???
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 04:20 Post subject: |
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Dont even try man. Just know when to get out. you'll spare yourself alot of grief
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 04:47 Post subject: |
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I am a stonecold fucker, I never grief, don't even know the word, seen much worser shit in my life and even that didn't make me sad so its not something that would fuck me up. I allways say I am blessed with a good sense of relativization. I'll just watch her body language tomorrow when I explain to her that I am not gonna change my ways, and then we'll see how it goes. If she well and truly cares for me she will let it slide, else........
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 05:28 Post subject: Re: Girlfriend trouble, maybe someone been in this situation |
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| Pfiemelcheese wrote: | | She however feels the need to go out every day ... |
That's what bothers me more than anything. Costs notwithstanding, that's just not normal unless she's still looking and you're just the means/stand-by.
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 15:11 Post subject: |
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I already told her she wasts money like its just paper, and yeah you have a good point swingman, maybe I am that standby guy but I can't break it up over hunches, she's still very clingy and if she didn't care she would not text me so much(where I am, what I am doing, when I am coming over, etc).
I will leave it now till the next bitching session as watergem suggested, time will tell I suppose.
Thnx all for your input, atleast now I know that I am not in the wrong and I still handled correctly.
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deelix
PDIP Member
Posts: 32062
Location: Norway
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 17:20 Post subject: |
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| SycoShaman wrote: | | Dont even try man. Just know when to get out. you'll spare yourself alot of grief |
I guess this is true, but perhaps the experience is needed for him to understand and don't do the same "mistake" the next time.
Just a suggestion, haven't really gotten through something like this since i've been with my girl for about 3 years now, going great.
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TiHKAL
Posts: 2350
Location: The Pub
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 18:09 Post subject: |
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This is pretty much what i just went through. Some parts of it sound so familiar it almost sucked for me just to read it. If your not emotionally involved i guess don't worry about it. However, if you care - you may want to save yourself the stress and get out now. In the end, if she is going out all the time without you it will result in cheating most likely.
PC: i7-4790k @ 4.4, 32GB @ 2400, Nvidia 1080TI FE, 2 TB Crucial MX500 SSD
Nintendo Switch SX OS Pro / PS4 Pro 5.05 Hen/Mira / PS3 Modded / Wii Modded / 360 Pre-Wave4 mod
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Cohen
Posts: 7155
Location: Rapture
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 18:14 Post subject: |
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any update cheese?
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
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Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 18:39 Post subject: |
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| Razacka2 wrote: | | SycoShaman wrote: | | Dont even try man. Just know when to get out. you'll spare yourself alot of grief |
I guess this is true, but perhaps the experience is needed for him to understand and don't do the same "mistake" the next time.
Just a suggestion, haven't really gotten through something like this since i've been with my girl for about 3 years now, going great. |
its true that you need firsthand experience but still, if i can help someone who needs it, i will. and since ive been in that situation twice, i thought id lend some advice |
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 19:07 Post subject: |
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Well I am seeing her in 3 hours from now, haven't spoken her since last night, she's at work now.
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X_Dror
Posts: 4957
Location: Jerusalem, Israel
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 19:34 Post subject: |
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I'm not such a great outgoing person either. Except for weekends and special occasions I don't hangout that much. (Especially now when I barely have anytime left for myself).
Anyhow, I know a few girls that like to go out a lot, just to meed their friends in the malls and whatever. And I know that I will never be able to get a long with a girlfriend like that, that will expect me to go out with her almost everyday (if not everyday).
So you should ask yourself if your girlfriend is like that? Will she expect you to go out, excessively a lot more than you would want to?
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 20:34 Post subject: |
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Well its not that black and white, she doesn't expect me to go out with her every day, but she does expect me to go out more often than I am used to/want to.
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Mon, 5th May 2008 21:17 Post subject: |
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there is a balance. have date nights for example. days of the week you go somewhere for sure. say like thursdays, fridays and saturday. the days when the bars and clubs are good you know?
the rest of the time, you chillout
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2008 00:31 Post subject: |
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She was here just now, and I had a long talk with her, I basically told her to sort her shit out and that it might be best to take a week off from seeing eachother. She didn't think this was a good idea, but I think it is, if she doesn't put everything in perspective and just lets everything pile up what good is that doing for the both of us.
I felt like I was dragging a mule out of quicksand, thats how hard I got all of her issues out of her.
1. She was still stuck up over something that happened 3 months ago, where I warned her away from a 44 year old guy who was perving on her(who she saw as her friend but who became a bit too friendly when he was drunk). I then told her flat out that this guy(she already knew the guy before I came onto the stage)wanted much more than just to be friends, she's 32 so you can imagine that this fucktard only wants to bang the living daylights out of her under the pretense of being friends. So she was pissed cuz she lost him as a friend and she kept it bottled up all this time
2. She's stuck up over this family outing thingie I didn't go to.
3. She's stuck up over the fact that my mom doesn't fully get along with her(while its me that actually has to live with her, whats my mom got to do with it?).
4. Probably some other shit too, but couldn't get her to open up more, thats why I suggested the cooldown period.
Atleast now I am getting to the source of the problems, like I have said in one of my earlier threads, she gets depressed quickly and the more I look at it the more I know that none of this is my fault. I even got my mom off of her back, she has put her in a different perspective now and now my mom thinks that if I am happy then she's okay with her.
So next week I will hear from her, I also told her I don't like being stringed along like this, cuz these last two days its like I was talking to a completely different person, gone was the ever so joyfull girlfriend I thought I had, in came the cold and depressed women from hell I wish I never had. I told her this in somewhat kinder words but so she would understand how it felt to me, then I gave her carte blanche to break up with me, I told her I wasn't a hate carrying person and that she could break up with me today cuz I sure as hell wasn't in the mood for this new personality of hers. She didn't want to break up, if she wanted to, she would have accepted the offre.
Thats basically it in a shorter version of the events that just unfolded, she's just messed up, doesn't know what she wants. And the psychiatrist in me already knows why, she has nothing to compare any of this to, she hasn't had a steady boyfriend in her entire life, maybe back when she was 16-17 but she's been single for 13 years since I came into her life. So at the first sign of trouble she blows everything out of proportion thinking its the worst thing that ever happened.
I was like, girl, there's things that are major and things that are minor, major is if I were cheating behind your back, and baby everything you are mentioning now is just a little speck in a pond. How she can make such a big deal about such trivial matters is beyond me really.
Like I stated before, she has issues, and those issues all play inside of her head, she's got a loving boyfriend who likes her very much, what the fuck more does she want?
End rant.
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spankie
VIP Member
Posts: 2958
Location: Belgium
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2008 00:57 Post subject: |
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lesson 1: girls girls girls...
anyway, the older dude. That is something i will never understand. When you are friendly to a girl that is f*cking 1 yr younger than your gf and do 1 thing as a friend (pooling, cinema), she is like "stop talking to that whore, you want to bang her? blababla", but when a guy 10 years older than her does the same, there is no problem...
About the mother, who gives a fuck, it is a mother in law. A) you dont live with her B) Jinxed as always, dont try to beat the odds, just tell her to accept that she will have a nice tensionful relation 
btw, you know what might be cool to do, what i once did. Just let her have a date with the old guy, and go with her  It should be quite obvious to her that he will be pissed and probably wants more and he will be pissed and understand that you fucked him over. Problem solved in 1 min. He will say "Woops, I have to go all of a sudden" or "WTF are you doing her, you are a loser, etc". Either way, point proven to her And if he accepts you, and does normal he is a good friend or a huge sneaky scumbag. To figure that out, just try to invite him over, as a friend, just you and him for some sports game. If he comes, he is OK, if he refuses, he is a sneaky ass and you kick him in the nuts
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SycoShaman
VIP Master Jedi
Posts: 24468
Location: Toronto, Canada
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2008 01:21 Post subject: |
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@Plf
Reminds me alot like what happened between my wife and i. similar issues. we couldnt fix it so we divorced.
I dunno man, maybe its time to find someone else if she's not will to work at it.
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| Posted: Tue, 6th May 2008 01:26 Post subject: |
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well the ship of the old perve has already sailed, he left the country where he hooked up with some bulgarian skank, problem solved anyways;) But its no issue whether or not he was perving, that point was already proven when he sent my girlfriend excessive amounts of sms's the night after he put his paws all over her. I know she will never cheat on me with this guy cuz he's not exactly what you would call an adonis, but still if she herself doesn't realize what his true intentions were then was it so wrong for me to point it out to her.
Too bad I can't prove my point to her anymore, those were some fine tips spankie heheheh
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